Moving forward

I’ve had a good day.

I sent my first two new stories to Woman’s Weekly, marked three Writers Bureau assignments, spent an hour in the garden doing a general tidy up, been to the shops to buy veg, and made a rhubarb crumble.

Not so great was the news that the people buying Mum’s house haven’t approved the paperwork yet but today, that didn’t get me down as much as it might have done. I’ve also heard from Byker books saying he wants to publish another of my writers guides as the one of fillers (How to make £10 in ten minutes) and the one on why short stories are rejected are selling well. I came up with an idea and sent it back to him. Now all I have to do is write it.

I have lots to do. Any day now the NAWG entries will arrive. I have no idea how many will want critiques, but there’s bound to be quite a few. plus I still have to finalise things for the November course, write more stories, keep up with Writers Bureau work AND write another guide. It’s great to be busy, it’s even better to feel positive. All I need to do now is pray one or both those new stories finds a buyer, then I can relax knowing that this black hole I’ve been sitting in has gone.

How long does it take to write a story?

This morning, I had a break through. 

I managed to draft a story, here. With the dogs and John all getting under my feet (the car he had for sale is gone but his own car has now developed a problem so that’s here instead). I don’t think the story’s that good, but right now that doesn’t matter. I’ve pushed through the mental barrier and should now be able to write again, when, and where I want to (hooray!)

I’ve been working on my cat story which is ticking along very nicely. I won’t be able put off sending a story out for much longer. It feels scary even typing that but I know I can’t put it off for ever.

The estate agent called, not pleased because I’d sent him an email yesterday saying I need to hold back on my house purchase. As I explained, if he’d told me the truth (he said I’d have several viewings in the first week), I would have been happier to go ahead. As it is, I don’t want to be stuck with two houses (sounds great on paper) with no actual cash in the bank.

I’m thinking very positively, sending out all kinds of good vibes for the couple coming to view the house on Saturday. Woody and Snoopy are due to leave that morning so providing it pans out the way it should, I’ll have enough time to clean the place up. Otherwise, I’ll have to pray the couple like dogs!

I was asked, via a tweet, how long it takes me to write a story so I thought I might expand on the subject a bit here. Getting the first draft down on paper probably takes about an hour for a thousand words. Sometimes, that first draft needs very little work as the story just flows on to the page. When I’m writing well, that happens quite a lot. It’s the same old story, the characters kind of take over, even in a short short story. Other times, there are a few problems. I might not be sure how to start, or how to end, or feel that the story needs more shape to it. In that case, I’ll type the story up, then leave it for a while. Nine times out of ten, when I go back to it, some days later, the gaps will fill themselves in. Other times, they don’t. I’ve been known to wait literally years for the right ending/beginning/way to tell the story to come to me all of which explains why I prefer to have a lot of stories on the go at any one time. SO the answer to the question, how long does it take is simple – anything from an hour and a half, to three years.

Happy writing.

Somebody's interested in the house, maybe...

Somebody is coming to view the house, but not until Saturday which is frustrating.

I’ve told the estate agent that I don’t want to complete on the purchase of the other house until I have a buyer for this one. At least that takes the pressure off.

I’m still waiting for the house in Exeter to complete. I confess I will be mightily relieved when that happens.

Writing–wise, I had a couple of email assignments to do for the Writers Bureau. The only other thing I’ve done is red the stories sent to me by people coming to my short story course in November. The plan is to give them written feedback when they arrive so that they have time to ask any resulting questions during the course.

Woody, the dachshund does not like it when I type so I’m going to stop now and do some more reading with a few to finding the next idea for a story.

It's good to talk

Plans.

Things don’t always work out the way we want. I had planned to work all day today but my ex is out with the woman he met on Match.com and, for some unknown reason, that’s getting to me, and no, I don’t want him back. I’d really like it if he did get into a serous relationship as that way the boundaries of our friendship would be cleaner.  In other words, maybe he’d stop treating my house as an extension of his own.

I’ve come to the conclusion that, at least for a while, feeling better is going to take work. I can’t expect it to be easy. I feel as though I’m still in some kind of a battle to  keep strong.

I gave some feedback on a story sent to me by a lady I met at Swanwick, fished the piece I wrote for Writers Forum (about Swanwick) then had a lovely long chat with a woman I met, guess where – Swanwick. I tweeted that I was feeling lonely and she gave me a call. It was great. I really needed somebody I could discuss things with. I can make decisions, come up with ideas, do most thing son my own, but every now and then, it really does help to have somebody else to bounce thoughts off.

I’d been thinking about the stress involved in moving. Selling Mum’s house and buying the new house would leave me cash strapped until I sell this house and as there’s still no sign of any interest, despite what the estate agent promised, I was starting to wonder if I should pull out completely. Talking to Shirley helped me decide to go ahead with the purchase but to tell the estate agent that I can’t complete until I’ve had an offer on this house. The woman who owns the house I want to buy can put it back on the market to see if anyone else comes along who can complete faster than I can. I’m not sure if I could have reached that decision without the help of that phone call.

I HAVE done some work too. I’ve typed up a first draft of another of the stories I wrote in Scarborough. This one is going to need a bit of thoughts between this draft and the next as it lacks something and I’m not sure what that is yet. That’s the beauty of typing things up then leaving them for a few days. The way to sort out the plot usually turns up on its own without me having to think too much about it.

Next week, I need to concentrate on the short story course I’m teaching at Weetwood Hall in November to make sure I have everything sorted. The people who have signed up have been sending me sample stories to that I can give them feedback as part of the course so I have those to look at too. The closing date for the NAWG competition is on Wednesday. I’ve only been sent 50 entries so far so have no idea how many more will arrive. There’s still time to send an entry (see www.nawg.co.uk\). For an extra £3 you can also have feedback on your work from yours truly. And that’s a bargain if ever there was one.

Day off

I could have gone to a ghost story workshop today at the Writers Circle, but decided against due to having been out last night and also, wanting to maximise time with the dogs. I’m glad I didn’t go as the file of paperwork from the solicitor arrived. As usual, the emotional pain affected me so I was glad John was here (he’d sold  car on eBay which has been living in my drive). Glad too that I didn’t go to the workshop and come home to find that in the mail. I’ve been through it, seen what they had, basically a handwritten letter from my mother saying that she didn’t want me to have a copy of the power of attorney. Conclusion, the solicitor did have instructions from her but they were well after the time when she was no longer capable to making decisions. I’ve written to them, outlining the mistakes that were made (ie believing her ‘carer’ and not bothering to check anything with me) and asking them to say sorry (over the phone will do, being solicitors, they won’t want to admit anything in writing. I don’t know why I need this, but I do.

I’ve already posted the letter so it’s out of the way.

I had a very good time last night with Leeds Savages, more laughs and interesting conversation that I’ve ever had at a Leeds Writers meeting. I find that rather sad.

I’ve just come back from a walk in Temple Newsam with the dogs and have decided that apart from the odd email, this is a day off.

 Strictly and a Wasgij are calling.

On Jacula's comment

I agree with you 100% but I believe in total honesty which is why I like fiction and fillers as they let me LIE through my teeth and be whoever I want to be.
Seriously though, I couldn't have lied in the column because people could see for themselves that I wasn't getting into Fiction Feast. 
If editors don't like the fact that I've had a breakdown and suffer from depression, that's up to them. I say my problems add depth to my writing and now that those problems are in the past, I will succeed whatver happens. 
Do keep your comments coming – they're always bang on the money.

Wearing my tutor's hat

Today I’ve been wearing my Writers Bureau hat. When I get assignments in the mail I only have 48 hours to deal with them, so rather than risk being late, I prefer to get stuck into them at once. I had five today, plus some email ones, so apart from that, and playing with the dogs, I won’t have time for much else.

I’m going out tonight. Going to a meal with Leeds Savages (ww.LeedsSavage.com). They’re a writing and artists group, mostly younger people (than me anyway) with lots of energy and enthusiasm. I joined when I first got to Leeds but have hardly made any meetings so tonight will be a bit daunting, but worth the effort (I hope). In case anyone’s worried, when I go out, I get my ex to come round and keep an eye on the dogs. In exchange he gets to use my garage. I’m writing this mid afternoon as I know I won’t get a chance this evening.

I haven’t even looked at my emails yet.

On a different note entirely, still zero interest in the house. Nobody. Nothing. Anybody else having similar problems????

I could also use some feedback on the best dating site to use. I need some company before I go even madder (is that even a word?)

Back to work, hooray!

Today I’ve typed up two of those stories I wrote when I went to Scarborough. It felt wonderful to be back to work at last.

I’m not sure having Woody (min dachshund) and Snoopy (demented Labrador with no brain whatsoever) here has helped as Woody will insist on climbing on to  my lap when I start typing, but whatever it is, I’m so relived it’s happened.

I’m not sure how good the stories will be when they’re finished as I’m probably a bit rusty after so long away from fiction. I’ll have to wait and see. The thing I must do is take my time.

For years I’ve given other writes advice about putting stories to one side for a couple of weeks, then checking through them again, but haven’t done it myself. Now I need to start following my own advice. For me to feel back in the saddle, those first stories need to do well or my thin veneer of confidence might crack.

I had to go the solicitor again this morning.  He’s having to write a statement for me to swear saying that the right of way over Mum’s garden has never been a problem (which it hasn’t) and then I also have to pay for an indemnity policy to cover for any possible future problems. What annoys me is this – why didn’t this come up when Mum bought the house in 1994? The solicitor should have dealt with it then. Guess who the solicitor was? The same one who’s caused me so much trouble over the past couple of years.

I’m not that bothered. I’m sure the sale will go through, it’s just taking extra time and money when all I want is for it to be over.

I’d been wavering about going ahead with buying another house as I’ve had zilch interest in this one, but I realise now that was just panic setting in. Providing I’m back in the writing groove, and can start earning money again, I’ll be fine, which brings me back to those new stories. I need to make sure they’re as good as I can make them….

The times they are a changing

I spent yesterday evening with my ex, John, trying to sort out what I wanted to do with my life from now on. It was very useful!

One immediate result is that I want to go back to being a short story writer and forget about bad things, so…..

From now on this blog will be about my writing life or things connected with it. If I lose that focus, complain, loudly, as it’s for my own good.

For the next ten days I have Woody and Snoopy here, two of my favourite dogs. This time the plan is to come up with a filler or two featuring them.

One of my writing pupils just emailed to say she has a letter in Yours magazine and has received a £10 High Street voucher after following the advice in my book on fillers – How to make £10 in ten minutes (available on Kindle or from my web site which is at ww.akacatherinehoward.weebly.com).

I’ve been very happy with the way the book is selling. Byker books put the e version on sale for me and it’s sold more than 600 copies so if anyone’s looking for a Christmas present that’s that bit different, why not buy a copy or 2?

I find it hard promoting my own work but I know this book is a winner which makes it a tiny bit easier.

Due to the altered nature of this blog, and the demise of my column in Writers Forum, I would welcome any questions or queries about writing so that I have something to talk about! Over to you….. 

PS Don't forget to enter the NAWG short story competition which I'm judging. Give me a decent character rather than a complicated plot and you'll probably make the shortlist at least. 

 

Dumped by Writers Forum

It’s been a mixed bag of a day.

My Weekly sent a copy (date 23/10) which has my Halloween story inside. The idea was inspired by the NAWG last line competition (where the last line was about a pumpkin) which I judged in 2011.

I still had Writers Bureau assignments to mark T(they take me ages to do) so I carried on with that, then I also had an email from Writers Forum to say they are dropping my column, Short Story Success. It feels like a massive blow. The problem is, I can understand why. For the past year I’ve hardly been a model of short story success, being as I haven’t written anything new. I’ve asked him to reconsider but I feel it’s unlikely. It’s a shame as I’ve just started to get back into writing again.

Right now, the only thing I want is for the house sale in Exeter to complete. I’m sure that when that’s finally over and I can draw a line under the whole business and never have to think about going back to Exeter ever again, I’ll feel a huge sense of relief and stop feeling so blasted tired.

I now have a new estate agent (as from Monday) but still no bookings for viewings. This is such a nice house, I don’t understand it, and NO, I don’t want to stay here.

www.nawg.co.uk competition closes soon

Blackpool has changed since I was last there, and not for the better. I had planned to ride up and down on the trams, getting on and off as and when I liked to look at the lights, only the lovely old trams have GONE. They’ve been replaced by horrible bendy bus–like things that don’t even look like trams. Apparently it’s all down to the EU.

Overall, I wish I hadn’t bothered going. It was a lot busier than I expected, but at least I’ve been now and don’t have to return. The hotel was glorious. Ash Lodge, Hornby Road. A Victorian house with all kinds of wonderful original features included stained glass windows. I’d happily stay there again although I have to say I didn’t get much sleep. Probably because I was too tired. Funny how that happens sometimes. .

I didn’t even see the lights. I walked far too far on the Friday afternoon. By the time it was getting dark, I was worn out! Pathetic or what? The highlight for me was Central Pier where I had a go at ten pin bowling and some other daft games. Great fun.

I got back yesterday lunch time to the first delivery of stories from the NAWG competition. There haven’t been that many entries yet so if you fancy a go, visit www.nawg.co.uk for details. Don’t forget to give me a strong character and make me believe in them.

Plaes to go, people to see

I started work on my column today but didn’t quite finish it, so I will leave it to stew until Sunday. 

Tonight, I’m going to see Calendar Girls as a friend has a small part in the production. I've wanted to go and see her act for ages, but didn't feel up to it.

Then tomorrow, it’s a train ride to Blackpool to see the lights. It’s been 100 years since they first had illuminations (if I'd been in short story writing mode I would have written a story ruodn that fact) so I have no idea whether it will be different from last time I went, but I like Blackpool so who cares? So long as I can have chips and ice crea, I'm happy. I’m taking some ideas with me tomorrow so that if I can nab a table seat, I might try to write a story on the train. It’s a relief to find that thinking about writing fiction no longer feels as scary as it did.

I popped into a charity shop on my way to crossword class and bought a coat. It’s M and S, black with detachable, fake fur collar. It’s the right length too. It’s not ideal but I figure now that I’ve bought a coat, the right one is bound to turn up., then all I have to do is take this one back to the charity shop.

I had the new estate agent round to measure up and take photos. She seemed very nice and took some great pictures of the garden. I said I was almost tempted to stay here, but I was joking. Can’t wait to see if changing agents does the trick. The house is due to go on sale with them on Monday. Please let somebody fall in love with garden, the way I did, three years ago.

Running out of steam

It hasn’t been a hard day by any means but I still feel bushed. . 

I reached the end of my back catalogue so that’s done. Of course, I will have to work through the list over the next year or so, sending the stories out but at least now I know which ones are to end up going where. They’ll all need tweeking to some degree. Some a lot more than others. 

That’s the thing about writing. It’s not always about the creative bit, there’s the editing, adding or taking words away to suit a market, changing different aspects to suit a magazine’s style and so on.

This can be hard work unless, like me, you’re trying to sell a story when it’s simply part of the job. If I hadn’t edited, changed, and generally reworked stories, I would never have managed to get accepted by The People’s Friend. They don’t pay as well as some of theothers, but with markets few in number, they can’t be ignored.having not managed to sell them anything before, after trying for ten years, I've now sold them 6 this year so I'm quite pleased about that.

I went to East Leeds Writers this afternoon where the subjects were a letter to Leeds, and home. Both led to factual, true pieces of writing which I’d rather avoid at the moment but at least the sun came out!

I don’t seem to have much energy right now. Of course that could have something to do with it being another fast day/ I’ll be glad when I hit my target weight. As soon as that happens, I’m going to drop the 500 calorie limit and double it to 1000. I reckon two days a week doing that will allow me to stabilise. That’s the plan anyway. Right now, I could murder a biscuit, an entire cake, an ice cream or at least a lovely cup of hot chocolate but I’ve had my 500 calories so all I can have is a glass of water.

Poetry corner

I’ve had a wobble today. I thought I was going to the solicitor to sign and that would be it, house sold, but the buyers also sent a great long list of queries, some of which were impossible to answer as I’ve never lived in Mum’s house.

I came out feeling upset when there really was no need. It’s like I’m overflowing with emotions and it takes hardly anything to tip me over the edge.

I’m finding comfort in a friend’s poetry, I read his work over and over again as it really touches me. He’s given me permission to share some of his poems so here goes.

LOVE by David Agnew from his collection entitled WALKING INTO ETERNITY .

There is love

There is fear

There is nothing else.

I can live in love

I can live in fear.

There is nothing else

I can choose love

I can choose fear.

There is nothing else

Help me choose love

MOOD

When my mood is right

            I can achieve

            Anything I decide

When my mood is wrong

            I am a pain

            In my own backside.

For more of his work, visit http://belfastdavid.wordpress.com/category/poetry

Feeling better

I’m getting better, every day, but I’m going to take it slowly as I don’t want to slip back down. Providing I get one or two things done each day, it doesn’t matter if they’re big or small, that’s OK. I’m having to learn how to be nice to me.

I had a great time yesterday with Leeds Savages (www.LeedsSavage.com). It made a change to mix with younger people who were enjoying their writing so much, rather than the incredibly staid atmosphere at Leeds Writers Circle (no, I’m not going to the meeting tonight).

Tomorrow I have to go to the solicitor to sign the contract to sell the Exeter house. With any luck, that means it will complete soon. I also have the new estate agent coming round on Thursday, weather permitting, to take photos of this house so it can go on the market from the 22^nd when the agreement with the other one expires.

I’ve almost finished going through my back catalogue of fiction. Only another 50 or so to look at. THEN, I’ll have to get on with writing up the stories I drafted in Scarborough. I’m both excited to see how they turn out and just a tiny bit scared (OK, quite a lot scared.)

Thanks to all those of you who pointed out yet another one of my typos – cot instead of coat. Sadly, I have no need for a cot, unless I want to use it as a planter!

Just reworking two stories to send to The People’s Friend, then it will be time for a break.  

short post

I had my hair done in town this morning, then spent a couple of hours looking for a cot to buy (no luck whatsoever) then came home to 4 Writers Bureau assignments to mark. No time to even blog properly as Strictly’s on in five minutes!

Tomorrow I’m going to a community radio station with a writers group I have not  attended in ages so I have no idea who will be there!

.

Fasting not feasting

I feel calmer today, which I hope means I’ve made the right decision about letting sleeping dogs lie.

I also decided which estate agent to go for. In the end being asked to pay a fee up front put me off my first choice. I’ve signed up with a different one for four weeks from the 22^nd  so I can always change again.

I’m on one of my fast days today. I still find them very hard (I’m allowed 500 calories). Not eating much drains my energy levels a bit but it will be worth it as it definitely works. Once I’m at the weight I want, I’ll be able to keep it steady just by eating sensibly – that’s the plan anyway.

I made a list of three jobs I wanted to get done today and managed them all, plus a couple more, so that was good. I also booked an overnight stay in Blackpool as I want to see the lights. It’s meant to be a special display this year as it’s an anniversary. I’m going on the train as it’s easy from Crossgates.

My royalties cheque from Byker books arrived this morning. My little book about writing fillers is doing well! I thought it might as it IS rather good, even if I say so myself.

Tomorrow morning I’m making a return trip to the hairdressers in town, after which I plan to go to Debenhams to see if I can find a coat. I haven’t bought a decent coat, new, for, well I honestly can’t remember, it’s been decades. I can‘t wear wool which cuts down the choice, but hopefully I’ll find something.

Estate agents, solicitors and The People's Friend.

I seem to have run out of time again. Things I meant to do – not done., Other things, I had no intention of doing – done instead.

The People’s Friend rejected a story but left the possibility of a sale open if I made some changes, so that’s what I did .It’s going back in the post tomorrow.

I’m still trawling through my back catalogue. Today I’ve sent subs to My Weekly for their next annual, plus my usual monthly sub (I’m only allowed to send one story a month).

I’ve also found a story that might just do for the club’s ghost story competition.

Any minute now, the next estate agent is due to arrive, then I’ll have to decide who to go for.

I had a bit of a wobble this morning when I heard from Mum’s solicitor. It was the usual, we’ve got nothing to say fob off suggesting that if I have a problem I can go to the Ombudsman. The fact is, I’m not sure I want to. I feel so torn. Is it better to just walk away, and forget the whole thing, or try to make them admit they made mistakes and treated  me unfairly. Right now, I think I’d rather just close the book on that part of my life.

I guess I’ll decide, eventually.

Meanwhile, once the estate agent’s been, I’m going to see Steptoe and Son at the West Yorkshire Playhouse with my ex.

Hopefully it will be as good and as funny as the TV programme. I’m looking forward to it.

Putting things off

An estate agent came round this afternoon to give me their views on selling the house. She was so slick and smooth, I can’t quite decide whether  she’s good at what she does, an dis genuinely interested in people or whether she was acting. She certainly got me talking. I’ll have to wait and see what the one who’s coming round tomorrow is like.  

It’s a music quiz at Spice tonight. I’ve rather lost touch with modern music so anything from 1990 to now is going to be over my head. I really don’t feel like going but I’m well aware that I need to keep making an effort so I’ll have to force myself.

I’m still working my way through my stock of stories, making a list of which ones I can send to where. It’s not a fun job, tedious doesn’t come close, but once it’s done, it’s done. THEN I’ll have to look at the stories I wrote at the weekend and start editing and tidying them. THEN I’ll have to send them off. THEN and only then will I find out if I’m back in full working (short story writing) order.

No surprise that I’ve been putting it off…..

I did have a pleasant surprise today though. The Attendance ALlowance that Mum shoudl have been getting while she was in the home finally came through and it was rather more than I thought it would be. Just enough in fact to pay the stamp duty on the house I'm buying. 

AGM and WB

I haven’t got much done today.

I had to go to local Good Neighbours AGM which was followed by a lunch and entertainment. Then I called in to 2 estate agents to see if I could find one I liked. The second was so bad, didn’t even ask me to sit down, that they are already out of the running. The other one is coming round on Thursday to have a look at the house.  When I got home,  some Writers Bureau assignments had arrived and as I only have 48 hours to turn them round, I decided to work on those straightaway.

Other than that, I worked on a couple of stories from my stock pile to send to The People’s Friend, plus one that’s on its way to Fiction Feast.

Now to catch up on last night’s TV – Only Connect etc.

Back from the seaside

I came back from Scarborough yesterday having had THE BEST WEEKEND EVER. 

The weather  was brilliant. I spent time with two friends, and…….. I wrote four stories. I have no idea how good they are yet as I’ve only done the first hand–written draft, but I’m so relieved that I’ve managed to write anything as it’s been months.

While I was away I kept seeing Scarborough on the news. It’s such a shame that a lovely town should be suffering just because somebody used to live there. I hope it doesn’t put people off going.

As I walked along the seafront, I could almost feel myself getting better. The sound of waves has always soothed me.

I love ice cream. It’s my favourite comfort food. I was delighted to find so many different shops selling so many different kinds. I had a different one each day. Delicious.

Today, it’s back to work. I have  loads of emails to deal with and jobs I need to catch up on before I can even think about typing up those new stories. I sacked the estate agent this morning. I gave them so many chances to get it right but today, the wrong EPC was still on the web site. As the Exeter sale seems to be ticking along and the lady I’m buying form has also found somewhere, I need to make sure I have the best chance of selling this house too.

Winding down

No more viewings booked for the house. Is it really THIS quiet? If anybody knows, please message me. So far the estate agent has made a long list of errors and I’m already wondering if I made the wrong choice….

I’m having a better day, in fact, if it wasn’t for a nagging headache, I’d say a good day. I chopped a story by 500 words first thing as My Weekly said they might consider it if it was cut, then I sorted through my files of ideas to find some story starting points for the weekend, in case I actually mange to write any fiction. I was going to keep working – I have some Writes Bureau assignments to mark – but I’m going to have to stop. Never mind. That will give me the chance to wind down into ‘weekend away’ mode.

A sale always helps

Having a better day.

Made a sale to The People’s Friend. Also, My Weekly have asked me to cut a story from 2500 to 2000 words so that’s a possible future sale too.

Spent the afternoon with Raffy’s owner, Elizabeth. She has an amazing house, full of wonderful items, like an exotic museum only bright and airy and fascinating. She has so much talent too, makes rugs, even designed her own conservatory. 

We went for a walk with the dog, through the nearby woods. Boy was it muddy. I was a bit worried in case I fell flat on my back, but managed to stay upright (I’m going away for the weekend and a twisted ankle is not on my packing list)

Tonight, the first people came to view the house. Basically they have to decide whether to pay a bit more and have less to do, or pay less and do more work. They’re keen on gardening so fingers crossed. 

The house was looking better than it has in ages as I finally finished the paper hanging in my bedroom. I’m annoyed that it’s taken me until I want to move before I got round to it, but  that the fact that I hadn’t bothered just shows how little care I’ve been taking of the house, the garden (and  me).

I’ve almost done the packing for Scarborough. All that’s left is to sort out some story starting points, a pad and some pens so that IF I decide to start writing, I’ll have what I need.

I’ve realised that since Mum died, the things I’ve stopped doing are the things I most enjoy (listening to loud music, singing, playing the piano, painting etc etc. I always enjoyed writing stories, before I climbed on the Fiction Feast treadmill. I’m hoping I can allow myself to get back to writing the kind of stories I enjoy reading (more Woman’s Weekly than TAB). Anyway, that’s the plan and one day, soon, it will all come together. It has to because right now, I have hardly any money coming in.

Something to think about

Depressed people are very annoying.

We give them advice, we offer all kinds of suggestions, tell them to call us, or drop round, and what do they do? Nothing. 

Only that’s not true. We think thoughts. Eventually, if enough people keep showing they care, over and over and over again, we will climb out of our black pit. The trouble is, people don’t have the patience. And who can blame them? When I’m down I’m no fun. I wouldn’t want me as company so why should anybody else? It’s easy to be patient with a child or a puppy when they make the same mistakes. We know they will learn, eventually, but a grown up, that’s different. Especially when on the surface, they don’t appear to have any problems, at least, nothing major (we all have problems).

This isn’t about me. I’ve been here before. I’ll get through, somehow, given enough time. It’s about all those other people.  People you’ve thought about calling, but the last time you did, they were so down and so fed up, you came away wondering why you’d bothered. I’m just saying this. You bothered because you cared, so keep caring. Give them a call. Go and see them. Make the effort. It will be worth it. In the end.

Looking for something

I feel so b*****y stupid. For once in my life, I have the chance of some peace and to do things for me, and I can’t raise enough energy to go into town for the singing.

I’m thinking, wait for it, of joining the WI. I really need something to live for, and maybe that’s a way of finding a cause or at least feeling part of something.

Any other ideas gratefully considered.

I'm in Leeds ( I don't drive).

Sorry, nothing to say

Apologies to anyone expecting to read something even remotely interesting. I have nothing to say as I’m pretty much doing nothing.

Right now, I have zero energy and little interest in anything very much. If it doesn’t HAVE to be done, basically, I’m not doing it.

I’m hoping this horrible dead–inside feeling will lift soon, and when it does …