tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-62508033635010678862024-03-12T17:46:28.319-07:00Short Story WriterShort story writer Linda Lewis (aka Catherine Howard) earns a living writing mainly short stories for magazines including The People’s Friend. She gives talks, runs workshops, teaches at summer schools and works as a tutor for the Writers Bureau.
See www.akacatherinehoward.weebly.com for more details.
Linda Lewishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18204029280563035975noreply@blogger.comBlogger705125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6250803363501067886.post-33633268242966084002014-08-16T02:56:00.002-07:002014-08-16T02:56:57.934-07:00Thanks to Swanwick, I have been 'persuaded' by friends to start blogging again.<br />
As this old blog is cluttered with gloom and doom and tales of my past miseries, I am switching to another blog, so if you want to follow me, the address is<br />
writingfictioniseasy.blogspot.co.uk<br />
My first posts which will start today will be all about my time at Swanwick only a week behind. I look forward to reading your comments and getting back into the blogging swing. Linda Lewishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18204029280563035975noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6250803363501067886.post-72939777514473799732013-10-10T02:24:00.001-07:002013-10-10T02:24:10.529-07:00THE LAST POST <!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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This blog has run its course. The time has come to call it a day. </div>
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Writing this blog has been enormously
helpful to me. It’s kept me in touch with the world at times when I wanted to
crawl into a hole and die. Time and again, I’ve been struck by the kindness of
strangers. People’s comments and advice have been truly invaluable and I would
like to thank everyone who has sent me messages, left comments, or posted a
card. In a way this decision has been triggered by a comment left after yesterdays' post in which I was told, basically, to shut up and get back to work. That was good
advice, so thank you. </div>
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I started writing this blog <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>in February 2011; a time when my mother, who
was suffering from dementia, was calling me, sometimes dozens of times a day. It’s
seen me through the very bad times connected with her care and the legal
profession and was there to keep me going when she died and the whole can of
worms erupted. </div>
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Since then, it’s kept me on the right track, again thanks to
the people out there, mostly people I’ve never met who’ve shown me that there
is hope and love and consideration and sympathy in the world at a time when I
couldn’t have seen that even if it had bitten me on the backside. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s taken me a lot longer to get over my
mother’s death than I ever expected and I’m not completely there yet, but I’m
on the way. Now it’s time to clear the decks. Rather than writing thousands of
words for the Writers Bureau or this blog, I want to write thousands of words
of other stuff – not sure exactly what yet but it’s early days. </div>
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One thing I will be doing, asap, is updating my woefully neglected
web site (<a href="http://www.akacatherinehoward.weebly.com/">www.akacatherinehoward.weebly.com</a>).
At the moment, it’s so out of date, it doesn’t even have details of my latest
writers guide – 100 GREAT FIRST LINES so if you’re interested in details, or
want to buy a copy, drop me a line at <a href="mailto:kinghenryfan@yahoo.co.uk">kinghenryfan@yahoo.co.uk</a>
or send a cheque to Linda Lewis care of 71 Manston Gardens, Leeds, LS15 8HA. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You can have a look at the ebook on Amazon
where it’s listed as 100 FIRST LINES THAT WORK </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I can still be followed on twitter <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>@writingiseasy . </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Writing this last post is both exciting and scary. Cutting
myself off from the Writers Bureau was scary too but sometimes in life you have
to take a risk or suffer the consequences. Stuck to my office <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>wall, I have these quotes from HEYFRANCIS.TUMBLER.COM
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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‘If you do not go after what you want, you’ll never have it.
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
If you do not ask, the answer will always be no. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
If you do not step forward, you will always be in the same
place. ‘</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Another poster reads – Inner peace begins the moment you
choose not to allow another person or event to control your emotions.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And finally, from Charlotte Joko Beck <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>-</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
‘Life always gives us exactly the teacher we need at every
moment, that includes every mosquito, every red light, every traffic jam, every
obnoxious supervisor (or employee), every illness, every loss, every moment of
joy or depression, every addiction, every piece of garbage, every breath. </div>
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Every moment is the guru.’ </div>
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As far as I’m concerned that’s pretty much bang on and a
great advertisement for mindfulness. </div>
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I don’t know what my next steps will be, but what I do know
is this – I want things to be different. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For that to happen, I have to make room in my
life for new people and new activities. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So that’s about it. The last post has sounded and it’s time
to, finally, call it a day. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Once again, thanks everyone! <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I couldn’t have made it without you. </div>
Linda Lewishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18204029280563035975noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6250803363501067886.post-41086105242183468602013-10-09T02:24:00.001-07:002013-10-09T02:24:30.853-07:00My mind is all over the place <!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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I’m finding it very hard to focus at the moment. I could
name all kinds of reasons – a lingering head cold, Louis who <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>keeps demanding my attention, <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>but this goes deeper than that. I’m worried because
a man has shown an interest in me. How crazy is that? The problem is he’s
pretty awesome. I can almost feel his intellect and it scares me. I’ve always avoided
overly intelligent men, not because I can’t keep up with them, intellectually, because
I can, but because I’ve always had this huge feeling of unworthiness. When I
was young, I met all kinds of people – low lifes all the way through to
professional people. Which ones did I date/marry/etc? Well let’s just say NOT
the professionals. </div>
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I remember one time I went to Sandown racecourse with a
lovely man called Richard. He was an all-round nice man with a great job and a family
who were very well <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>off. We had<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>great day, helped by the fact that I kept
backing winners, but did I see him again? Of course not. He was much too good
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worked for the Guinness brewery in London, cleaning tanks. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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Now another intelligent man, with a great sense of humour
and who shares many of my interests is in the wings and it’s a struggle not to
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going to try not to do that. I feel as though this is a test of my mettle. A
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life. After all, that’s why I’ve been clearing the decks. </div>
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I’ve often felt as though I’m actually two people. One of
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other person has a hard time being heard. She wants to enjoy life, have fun.
She thinks she’s OK and that she doesn’t have to be perfect providing she has a
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that doesn’t make it any easier. I’ve been listening to the bitchy critical negative
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So, Woman’s Weekly, People’s Friend <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>and Fiction Feast, how about buying some of my
stories? That might just motivate me to write some more, then, who knows what
might happen. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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My new life starts here.</div>
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I hope. </div>
Linda Lewishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18204029280563035975noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6250803363501067886.post-67300206859272140732013-10-08T02:39:00.003-07:002013-10-08T02:39:53.657-07:00Ready for a new start <!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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I went to see my homeopath yesterday and really enjoyed it.
That probably sounds weird, but the fact is she’s such an upbeat lovely person,
just talking to her, I felt better. She seems to think that this cold (yes, I
still have it) is a good sign – marks the changes to a new season, etc <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>etc but I still wish it would hurry up and go.
My voice has dropped an octave which, as it’s already quite deep, isn’t exactly
feminine. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Regarding life in general, I feel as though I’m ready for a
new start. More than ready. I’ve just had a call from the Writers Bureau so I
can now officially reveal that I won’t be tutoring for them after the 31<sup>st</sup>
of this month. I’d sent a letter in a blue bag in September, giving notice but nothing
was said which seemed odd, so I sent another note. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Apparently, the original letter somehow got
left inside the bag (!) so they’ve only just found out. Anyway, the lovely lady
who runs the bureau has just called<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>and
we had a nice chat. She understands <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>why
I need to stop but better <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>still she also
said that if I want to go back at any time, to let her know, so the door isn’t
closed, it’s still ajar. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I can’t tell you how hard it was to make the decision to
stop working for them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Having deadlines
and something I HAD to do has been such an enormous help to me while I was
down. It gave me something to focus on, in much the same was as looking after
the dogs. Now though I want some me time. The plan is to have a year in which I’m
not committed<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>to anything so that I can
go where the wind takes me. At the end of that year I can then weigh up what it
is I want to do and where I want to be. If I then decide to become a recluse
with three rescue dogs, that’s<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>fine, but
I don’t want that to be a default mode. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I probably shouldn’t say this, but honesty is, and always
will be, my ,mantra, but I recently started an email correspondence with a man.
It’s been absolutely wonderful<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>in that
it’s given me a huge confidence boost. I have no idea what will or won’t happen
but the very fact that there are possibilities is great</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Louis leaves on Friday morning after which I’m going to Long
Eaton for a workshop on finding ideas. I’m hoping that some of the exercises
will lead to stores and that my mojo will be waiting for me, ready and eager
when I get home again. Of course, the gardeners are due on the Monday<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>so I’ll have to work round them. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The other thing that’s happened in the past couple of days
is a whole heap of rejections from Woman’s Weekly which tells me that the
stories I’ve written recently haven’t been up to scratch. I think I knew that
anyway but it’s still annoying.</div>
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I’ve always said that once I’m at 5 on the happiness scale
(1 very depressed to 10 very happy)then I can write well enough to sell. I
THINK I’m there now but I don’t have the energy or the time to take advantage.
OK that’s an excuse, but it’s <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>not a bad
one; I DO still have a cold, plus as this is the last time Louis is here, when
he wants attention, I’m happy to give it to him (it’s very hard, no impossible,
to write when you have a very heavy dog’s head on your lap). I’m almost sure
that by the time I’m at Long Eaton, the words will flow. It’s the almost that’s
the worry. I REALLY need to start earning some proper money again, and soon. That
way I can enjoy spending it so if anyone knows who the god of mojos is, do let
me know. </div>
Linda Lewishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18204029280563035975noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6250803363501067886.post-87253644763764664742013-10-05T03:35:00.003-07:002013-10-05T03:35:56.526-07:00The dog has teeth <!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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The sun is shining. The workshop for next Saturday is
planned, the handouts printed. I have no Writers Bureau work to do. Time to
think about what to enter for Leeds Writers Circle short story competition. I
haven’t been writing much new stuff lately. The stories I have attempted haven’t
worked, at least not to the standard I’m looking for. Obviously it would be
nice to write something new rather then enter a womag story (which is unlikely
to come anywhere) but I’m not sure I want to. While I have Louis here, I’d much
rather spend time with him. We’ve just had a play fight. Anyone watching who
didn’t know him would probably think I was in danger. His bark is fearsome, his
growl deep and dark, and his teeth…. I tried to take a photo to show them off
but this was the best I could do. </div>
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After our fight, I feel a bit battered. He’s one heavy dog
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anyone do I? </div>
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<br /></div>
Linda Lewishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18204029280563035975noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6250803363501067886.post-9568361135359320392013-10-04T01:28:00.003-07:002013-10-04T01:28:35.455-07:00Blast this cold <!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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For more than a week, I’ve been fighting a bad cold. It’s so
annoying how something so simple and trivial can cause so much annoyance. I
guess it will clear up, eventually, but right now, the end is definitely not in
sight. The weather’s miserable too which in a way is good as then I can’t be
tempted outside. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’m loving having Louis here. He really is an absolute
darling. Of course, I end up with bruises on my bruises – he has no idea how
heavy he is – but that’s a small price to pay. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I have the feeling that I need to spend time clearing the
decks. I’m finding it hard. I had an email from Swanwick Writers Summer School
saying my courses had attracted excellent feedback and they’d like me to teach
the main short story course next year. I’d said on the feedback form that I
didn’t want to <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>teach in 2014 so that I
could enjoy the School as a delegate rather than teacher. The email said they
appreciated that, but would I reconsider. The old me would have given in and
said yes. I said no. Not only that but I sent a two page reply detailing all
the things I feel they need to fix. I love Swanwick.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Very much. But. They don’t pay tutors enough
and because times are hard, they’re cutting back – less well known speakers and
so on. I think this is a BAD idea. People expect writing holidays to be expensive
. They also expect to get their money’s worth. Anyway, I got a long reply
saying that all my points were being considered and offering more money. I’m
still going to say no. I’ve taught at NAWG for the past three years. When I go
there, I get the weekend free plus expenses and a decent fee. Now if Swanwick
could match that… </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Thanks to this cold, I’m merely treading water workwise.
Basically all I’ve done is tweak a few stories that Woman’s Weekly rejected so
that I could send them elsewhere and kept on top of Writers Bureau work. I’ve
started sorting out the details of the workshop I’m running in Long Eaton on
the 12<sup>th</sup> of this month. It’s going to be about various ways of
finding ideas for stories, plus some pointers on how to make a story ‘work.’ My
plan is to do the exercises too, on the day. My mojo WILL come back soon. I
just have to keep tempting it to come out and play. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I see my homeopath again on Monday. I’m supposed to have
been keeping an eye on my progress but that’s not easy when you’re think with
cold. So how do I feel at the moment? Goodish. Frustrated, because I want to
get back to writing GOOD (i.e. saleable) stories and because I have very little
energy at the moment. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjFcMA-kV3pG4OLAp2XuYskOnLr790KrggW842bZl_AhfT6q06HzlbpLb_UTOrvbqOjWEchx4Mm0eeKAGjm7XGGx4qDE6pfSUq2Co57GAtc0gLCET0xvgWocXDt_61j5zLDqIsR-BvQWno/s1600/louis+sculpture+flowers+032.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjFcMA-kV3pG4OLAp2XuYskOnLr790KrggW842bZl_AhfT6q06HzlbpLb_UTOrvbqOjWEchx4Mm0eeKAGjm7XGGx4qDE6pfSUq2Co57GAtc0gLCET0xvgWocXDt_61j5zLDqIsR-BvQWno/s320/louis+sculpture+flowers+032.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’m also feeling cautiously optimistic. I’m going to
Wentworth with NAWG in November for a retreat with a few workshops thrown in
(see <a href="http://www.nawg.co.uk/">www.nawg.co.uk</a> for details), <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Christmas is sorted (I’m off to Scarborough –
hurray!), plus Strictly’s on. I love that show. Even more, I love Strictly Takes
two with Zoe Ball. I record it every day so that I can watch it at my leisure.
If you don’t like Strictly, I feel sorry for you. It’s not about learning to
dance, it’s about learning to let go, have fun, express yourself. The changes
it brings about in people (Matt Dawson springs to mind) are amazing. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Next year at the moment is a blank slate. Apart from a
couple of workshop bookings, I have no plans whatsoever. That is both a scary
thought and an exciting one. With no dogs to board, no part time job to do, I’ll
be able to do what I want for once. I just hope I can take advantage of that. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">The photo shows one of my orchids. </span></div>
Linda Lewishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18204029280563035975noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6250803363501067886.post-46508300926246884592013-10-01T02:02:00.000-07:002013-10-01T02:02:22.722-07:00It's a dog's life <!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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Life is full of good and bad. It’s up to us which we focus
on. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Right now I have a really awful terrible miserable cold and I feel really
low, physically but I know it will pass. I also have Louis here for his last
visit. I love that dog and I’m going to miss having him come to stay, but I
need to do this. I need to clear the decks to make room for me. My plan is to
give it a year. If I’m still on my own then, I might just think about getting a
dog of my own and becoming a recluse who potters about in the garden, paints,
and does jigsaws. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Talking about good and bad. Louis the chocolate </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiH7MJMt9-BEAJXnvmehQFKaf2nO8-SIOEX9pWbGmOA3rItEJQHBbj_OY1GAVzcZBAsjrdTlelgrO30-8YKvCe3ok1a05X18ge1ZTGfhLBk1f2Vqv_CEt5FJLUmwujuvm2hl_MXnd3azA4/s1600/Louis+Glasgow+eggheads+006.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiH7MJMt9-BEAJXnvmehQFKaf2nO8-SIOEX9pWbGmOA3rItEJQHBbj_OY1GAVzcZBAsjrdTlelgrO30-8YKvCe3ok1a05X18ge1ZTGfhLBk1f2Vqv_CEt5FJLUmwujuvm2hl_MXnd3azA4/s320/Louis+Glasgow+eggheads+006.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
labrador is here. He loves to play fight. He’s
a big, heavy dog with sharp claws and a set of teeth that a sabre tooth tiger
could get by with. For some reason he loves to ‘chew’ my hand. This involves a
large leap of faith on my part as those fangs could easily hurt me, but I take
the risk. Also when we play fight, somebody always ends up either with scratches
or bruises and I don’t need to tell you which one of us that is, but it’s worth
it; You should see the almost insane look of gleeful happiness on his face when
we do play fight. It’s worth the pain.<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgyGtZmg8GBtHNjYrHX_Bsk1PPeNW4gqkx-wxpD7yqzkWYEPYtcZeSzXYYwZkHVfJskxvgDAMpnQl7r8Xm9n-_nTLWVn2G57GGzAhu5RPNweDj2TqCYCcMENurmLeEsZScRNdaLl8Rq5MM/s1600/louis+sculpture+flowers+014.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgyGtZmg8GBtHNjYrHX_Bsk1PPeNW4gqkx-wxpD7yqzkWYEPYtcZeSzXYYwZkHVfJskxvgDAMpnQl7r8Xm9n-_nTLWVn2G57GGzAhu5RPNweDj2TqCYCcMENurmLeEsZScRNdaLl8Rq5MM/s320/louis+sculpture+flowers+014.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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Pain is something I’ve been avoiding. It’s complicated so
try to keep up at the back. All my life I’ve been miserable, trying to make
everyone else happy, like everyone else I’ve suffered loss and heartbreak. It would
be easy to give up on love. I know an awful lot of people who have done exactly
that. My ex is an example in point. He’s looking for the perfect woman and unless
she comes along, which she won’t as she doesn’t exist, he won’t even begin to
try to build a relationship. I realised, long ago, that the perfect man doesn’t
exist. I realised too that if he did, I’d probably get bored with him. What I’ve
been afraid of is getting things wrong. That’s been a recurring theme, all my
life. As a child, if what I did wasn’t perfect, it wasn’t good enough and as it’s
almost impossible to do anything perfectly, I’ve always felt unworthy and
pretty much useless. That’s why although I have some musical and artistic talent,
I haven’t been playing music, singing or painting for years. That all needs to
change. Who cares is I paint like a six year old or play the piano worse than I
did when I first started? If I enjoy it, that’s what matters. The same applies
to relationships. I’m finally realising that I need to mix with people who are
positive. That doesn’t mean they have to <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>be
cheerful all the time. it’s more about the way they look at things. It’s hard
for me to write this. It’s easy to get involved in long conversations about
illnesses and what’s wrong with the country and talking about bad stuff is
fine, providing more time is spend on the positive side of things. Sometimes it’s
hard to see them, but once you start to look for them, like red cars, you see
more and more.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Why am I bleating on? Basically because I’m fed up with me. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This is my way of trying to give myself the
pr4eoverbial kick up the backside.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
promised a friend that this time, I would paint a picture of Louis before he
goes home. I have another ten days. By writing it down, I’m hoping that this
time, I can make it happen. It’s one small step, but for me, it could be a
giant leap. </div>
Linda Lewishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18204029280563035975noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6250803363501067886.post-79709188014217981742013-09-28T08:08:00.001-07:002013-09-28T08:08:02.080-07:00PLOM<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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Why does it feel so bad? All I’ve got is a cold! Still at
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Linda Lewishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18204029280563035975noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6250803363501067886.post-4680777612884268542013-09-27T04:28:00.002-07:002013-10-01T01:57:39.045-07:00All alone and feeling sorry for myself<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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It’s a truth universally acknowledged that there’s very
little worse than being on your own and having a bad cold. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I feel like **** today. What I really really want is
somebody to wait on me hand and foot, mop my fevered brow, make me lemon tea
and tuck me up in bed; instead, I have to get on with it. </div>
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Yesterday, before this bug caught hold, I went to
crosswords. It was a disaster. The crosswords were so difficult it took an hour
and a half to do two, and that was with quite a bit of cheating. When Jack was
there, he’d done the crosswords beforehand and therefore knew how hard/easy
they were. Now it’s just pot luck and it’s not working. I had the bright idea
of maybe trying to do some crosswords before next week then taking those along.
I wouldn’t be able to take part but I could give some help with clues. The
problem was, I couldn’t do any of the ones I tried. </div>
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I’ve finished the Saturday Telegraph prize crossword three
weeks in a row but I haven’t got a blank grid. On Saturday I’ll get two copies
of the paper, then I’ll have a blank to copy. Sod’s law says I won’t be able to
finish it!</div>
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I called Barbara when I got in. Her husband died very
suddenly a few weeks ago and she’s stopped coming to crossword class. I called
to let her know we were thinking of her . The poor woman’s in such a state. She
says she can’t stop crying. I know exactly where she’s coming from as I lost
Gareth like that. One minute he was there, the next – gone. There’s nothing I could
say to make things better. Only time and the support of her family can do that.
I think it helped her, talking to me. I hope so because when I hung up, I was
the one in tears. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Tomorrow is BBQ day but if I feel like this, I won’t be able
to go. No point spreading the germs around, or risking making it worse by
sitting outside, even if the weather is fabulous (at the moment I have al the
windows open it’s so warm and bright and gorgeous). </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’m going to try to get some work done. There’s no way I can
be creative with this thick head, but I might be able to rewrite an old story
for The People’s Friend. </div>
Linda Lewishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18204029280563035975noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6250803363501067886.post-25670679543819400522013-09-25T02:39:00.003-07:002013-09-25T02:39:52.543-07:00Frustration rules<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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Having made the decision to end the part time work I was
doing, I’m now feeling increasingly frustrated.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I’ve had to give notice. I’m not the kind of person who just stops, that
wouldn’t meet my ‘be fair to everyone’ syndrome. So now, I have to get on with
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Louis arrives on Sunday. His owners sent me an email the other day saying how much they wished I wasn’t stopping the boarding as their dog
loves coming to say with me (he does) and they wouldn’t feel as happy leaving
him with anyone else. It really upset me. I felt I was letting them down when,
in fact, Louis loves everyone. I don’t think he cares who he’s with, providing
they give him some attention when he’s in playful mode. </div>
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I almost wavered. After all, it wouldn’t hurt to spend the
odd week looking after a dog I’m potty about, but I managed to resist. Just.
The whole idea of cutting all my ties and commitments is to open up my life to
other possibilities. I feel I need to be more spontaneous. I want to be able to
try new social groups without having to check whether I’m free, dog wise.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Most of all, I want to be free to get back to
proper writing. By that I mean writing things I want to write rather than stuff
I HAVE to<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>write. </div>
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Today, there’s no Heydays.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I’ve arranged to meet a man from Leeds Writers for lunch. He’s a poet, a
great one as far as I’m concerned as his words often touch my heart. He’s a bit
down, I’m a bit down. I’ve no idea how it will go but who cares? I’m doing
something different. After that, it’s off to the hairdressers for a cut and
blow dry. I coloured it myself this time. Last time they did it, the colour
faded dramatically in a couple of weeks so I figure better to spend £6 and do
it myself. I’d meant to get a colour closer to the one my hair naturally fades
too but managed to get it a bit wrong so that I’ve ended up a darker shade of
brown than I’d intended, but at least it covers the grey…..</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
. </div>
Linda Lewishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18204029280563035975noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6250803363501067886.post-27230722519640832522013-09-22T02:52:00.001-07:002013-09-22T02:52:35.059-07:00Making plansA quick update. My plan for the next few days is to catch up with various jobs, including some of the dreaded housework I've been avoiding lately.<br />
Yesterday, a gardener came to quote for various jobs. I've given him the go ahead, starting 14th October. The jobs are all labour intensive - trim hedge (v tall, v long), replace worn out weed barrier and gravel with new barrier and wood chip, take down trellis diving wall, remove thorny bush and replace trellis with one that isn't falling apart, make a seating area near pond with path leading to it, put in small pond in back garden for wildlife, remove various large shrubs that I don't want, sort out front garden, again replacing worn out weed barrier plus putting a low, solid fence between me and next door (they have weeds weeds and more weeds in their patch that constantly spread into mine) <br />
Once all that's done, I can get on with growing things.<br />
I've been taken to task for sacking my therapist. The point is I don't want to go into great detail and when you encapsulate something, you have to miss lots out. One of the things that persuaded me to leave was being told it would have to get worse before it gets better. A - I don't believe that, and B - if it got any worse than it did a few weeks ago, I'd be dead.<br />
We're all different. It's easy to look at things from our own perspective but the truth is nobody knows how anyone else actually thinks or feels. All I know is that I have made the right decision for me at this time. Yes, I would have loved her to have said, go for it girl. Why? because I don't have a close friend, a lover or any family to say that to me and although I was saying it to myself, over and over, I guess I wasn't listening. <br />
Now I am. I know what I want and I also know that it's up to me if I get it or not. The past doesn't exist. Neither does the future. All that matters is now. <br />
<br />Linda Lewishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18204029280563035975noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6250803363501067886.post-66690256015265195022013-09-21T05:56:00.002-07:002013-09-21T05:56:29.153-07:00Making decisions<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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I feel like I’m making progress. I’ve made some major
decisions. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I decided not to go back to the therapist. I wanted somebody with
more positivity. For most of the session she just sat there, looking at me with this sad expression. I asked her to help me make a decision and she wasn’t any help at all,
so that’s over. I’m glad for another reason. Getting to her involved either
taxis or a lift from my ex. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’d much rather
be able to make my own way. If I feel the need to see anyone else, I’ll find
somebody closer. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The pills from the homeopath arrived this morning. I was a bit
disappointed. I expected several different kinds, not just one, but if it
works, who cares? Also on her advice I’m taking extra vitamins and drinking one
cup of green tea every day. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Decision number two was a biggie. I’ve given notice
to the Writers Bureau and will stop tutoring for them on 31<sup>st</sup>
October. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The relief is immense as I want to be able to get on with more writing (I also have the judging and critiques for NAWG's open short story competition in November - see nawg.co.uk) I've very much enjoyed the experience. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The discipline of working for the Bureau helped me
get through some very difficult times. Now I need to go it alone. I can’t tell
you how hard making that decision was, mainly because it meant turning down a small,
but regular income, but it’s done now. At last. Note to Rae – I tried to call
you but no reply. Have you done that filler?????</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The highlight of the past few days has been a series of
emails from a man down in Surrey. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s
given me such a boost. Shame he isn’t closer.. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Today I was meant to be at a flirting workshop but it was cancelled. So
annoying as I really could use some tips. It’s been such a long time since I went
on a date and even longer since I flirted with anyone. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>With the workshop cancelled, I had
time to see a gardener who’s going to quote for various jobs in the garden. I
like growing things, I don’t mind weeding, pruning and all that kind of stuff
either, but it’s the hard landscaping that’s beyond me right now. He’s due to
call later today with some prices so fingers crossed. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I said the other day that I was feeling better. I still feel
better. I’m not jumping about singing and laughing, but I feel as though I have
a bit more energy, not a lot, but a bit. This week I made blackberry compote
and a lovely coconut and lime drizzle cake. I like trying new recipes but haven’t
tried anything different for months. Hopefully that’s another good sign. Of course
the proof of the pudding will be when I go back to writing stories….. if they
come out well, I’ll know I’m on the mend. </div>
Linda Lewishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18204029280563035975noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6250803363501067886.post-45405659894955487622013-09-18T03:15:00.001-07:002013-09-18T03:15:38.517-07:00Feeling better. Again. <!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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Once again, I feel better. Once again, I feel that things
are starting to click in to place. What I need to do now is make decisions. What
I want from life and how to get it. I had an interesting email discussion with
a reader of this blog. I’d said I’d be happy with a man as a companion – separate
rooms on holiday, that kind of thing – when the truth is I want more than that.
I want the happy ever after, a warm, loving relationship that works on all
levels. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>At the moment that feels like an
impossible dream but we all know that dreams CAN come true. I guess it’s up to
me. </div>
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I’ve been writing lots of bits of stories that have been
cluttering up my file. The way I work is I give a story a number so that I can
keep track of it. Before now, they got a number as soon as I typed them up.
That has meant that I’ve got some stories that are numbered but aren’t finished
which makes it difficult to see where I am. So now I’m starting a new folder. Any
ideas that I’ve started to beef up will be typed and go in there. Hopefully
that will mean an end to having to search through dozens of notebooks looking
for half done stories.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Then once a story
is finished, THEN I’ll give it a number. That might not sound very exciting to
you, but to me, it’s a big step. In the right direction. </div>
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I haven’t gone to Heydays this morning. It’s East Leeds
Writers this afternoon and I couldn’t face doing both. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ll go early which will give me a chance to
browse Tesco’s. I’ve started writing fillers again,<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>and need to research a few magazines. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I used to write a lot of fillers. They kept me
going when I first started writing fiction, filing the (long) gaps between
sales and giving me a much-needed boost with various prizes and sums of money. A
boost or two <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>wouldn’t go amiss at the
moment. If you don’t know what fillers are, maybe invest in my ebook. <a href="http://www.amazon.co.uk/Make-Minutes-Professional-Writers-ebook/dp/B006TZW36O/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1379417113&sr=1-1&keywords=linda+lewis">http://www.amazon.co.uk/Make-Minutes-Professional-Writers-ebook/dp/B006TZW36O/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1379417113&sr=1-1&keywords=linda+lewis</a></div>
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It costs all of £1.53. </div>
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Now what to do next. Ah yes, get some of those story bits
and pieces typed up. </div>
Linda Lewishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18204029280563035975noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6250803363501067886.post-78902793752280627872013-09-16T04:26:00.002-07:002013-09-16T04:26:17.062-07:00THE SECRET OF HAPPY EVER AFTER <!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
Saturday was a GOOD day. Janet, who goes to the BBQs I
attend, gave me two free tickets to Harrogate Flower Show. The weather was
perfect. The show full of interest (I must visit the people who grow pitcher
plants sometime), John behaved himself and I bought some thoroughly daft things
for the garden including two chickens and a fearsome looking metal blackbird. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My wonky hip/back behaved which was a relief but after three
hours I’d had enough and went home for a snooze. Energy restored, I went to
Marks and bought a meal for two deal rather than having to cook or go out. As September
14<sup>th</sup>’s go, it was very good. I don’t know why I mark that day (September
14<sup>th</sup>, when Gareth died) rather than other, happier days but as we
married on Valentine’s Day and his birthday was in January, September gives me more
options, weatherwise at least.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’d like to thank everyone who’s left comments, sent
messages, advice and so on, <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ve<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>even had an anonymous gift. At the moment, I’m
dead set against any pills but I’m going to a homeopath later so will have to
see what she thinks. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’m feeling better at the moment, trying to build up to make
a decision. As yet, I still haven’t been able to take the big (for me) step
that involves. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’m working on a competition story for a local competition –
800 words on the theme ‘ A Winter’s Tale’. There’s no prize but the winners
will be published in the Harrogate Advertiser, plus there’s a grand prize day
being held in Harrogate. It could be a good evening, of course, I’d have to
come in the top ten to find out. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’m out from 2.30 today until whenever. It’s Leeds Writers
this evening and I’m not sure how long I’ll stay. That rather depends how the mood
takes me. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>After the homeopath, I’ll have
time for a quick browse of a shop or two, grab a snack, then on to the meeting.
</div>
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I’ve just finished Lucy Dillon’s book, THE SECRET OF HAPPY
EVER AFTER and loved it. It made me cry, and laugh and smile and it also made
me think about my past and whether I’m carrying a burden of shame too, like one
of the characters in the novel.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ll
have to put that past my therapist tomorrow.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I can’t resist sharing a quote from the book. I hope Lucy doesn’t mind. </div>
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‘He held her in his arms and he listened to her shame
spilling out after so many years, and he told her, in his soft Scottish voice,
that things were going to be all right, that she was brave and clever and
beautiful and everything a good woman was, she could almost believe him. ‘</div>
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I guess, that’s what I’m looking for only I don’t have a man
in my life so I need to be able to say that to l myself. Like I said, it’s
hard, but I’m working on it. </div>
Linda Lewishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18204029280563035975noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6250803363501067886.post-50757146512644916722013-09-13T02:25:00.001-07:002013-09-13T02:25:04.456-07:00Feeling blue and hating myself for it. <!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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I am fed up. With life. With myself. With feeling like an
old woman. My joints are giving me so much trouble right now and I have no idea
why. I’m hoping it’s because I’m stirring things up by starting therapy again
and <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>trying homeopathy. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The problem is I have lost faith. I’ve tried so many ways to
fix myself that I no longer believe anything will work and we all know<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>what that means – if you think it, that’s
what will happen. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I received an anonymous gift yesterday. A book, a pad and some
other little bits (sorry, I can't eat the fudge so I will have to give it to John). The book’s about animals so I'm sure to enjoy it. I’d like to say a massive thank you to whoever it was.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Often it’s the kindness of
strangers that keeps me going. I still think of my birthday and all the cards I
got from people I’d never met. That meant a lot to me, so whoever this
anonymous gift giver is, thank you. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
About writing. I’ve been writing stories but they’re not
coming out right. They’re flat and full and not very good at all. It’s not
writers block – I can write, I just can’t write well enough. It’s all down to
my mood. If I rated how I feel on a scale of one to ten where ten is very happy
and one is very miserable, to write fiction I need to be at level 6. That’s not
high, just above average, but at the moment it might as well be the top of
Mount Everest.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sorry for sounding so
miserable but as you know I’d rather be honest about things.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m finding it so hard to decide what I want
to do. I could fill up my life with voluntary works and trips away, join more
groups and go out more. I could get a dog, or two. The problem is that I hate
to let anyone down. I wouldn’t want to start voluntary work and decide after a
few months that it’s not for me<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>which
also explains why I can’t get a dog. </div>
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What I want to do is feel free and happy, free to do the
things I want to do (write upbeat stories, paint, have a long relaxing holiday,
listen to music, have fun, mix with positive upbeat people, play tennis on the
Wii) but for some reason I can’t seem to do any of these. Instead I fill my days
with things that aren’t fun. I can’t go into details here for reasons I may
explain later, if I ever find the nerve to take action, but suffice to say I’m
not enjoying life at the moment. Maybe that’s what making me feel physically
ill. I’m trying Gestalt therapy at great expense. What if that doesn’t work
either? </div>
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If I wasn’t me. If I was my best friend, then I could give myself
a proper talking to. Say the right words of encouragement. Offer great advice
that made sense and was easy to do. I could also look at my stories and see
where and why they aren’t working (I can stil do that for other people as
easily as falling off a log) but I’m not my best friend.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My ‘best friend’ would say stop worrying so much about other
people, about letting them down, about upsetting them, and start doing what you
want for a change. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Maybe one day I’ll wake up and everything will feel
different. I still believe that’s possible so there is hope. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Tomorrow I’ve been given tickets to go to Harrogate flower
show (thanks, Janet). I’m having trouble walking at the moment but I’m still
going, even if it’s only for a couple of hours. I’m hoping I can find somebody
to sort out part of my garden, two parts in fact. Tomorrow is September 14<sup>th</sup>.
Sixteen long years ago, that was the day I lost Gareth, my third husband. I
always try to make it a special day so going to a flower show is a good idea. I
might even buy a plant in his memory. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Again, sorry for being so down. I AM working on the problem.
I will get it sorted, soon. </div>
Linda Lewishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18204029280563035975noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6250803363501067886.post-15669903902325720362013-09-10T05:57:00.001-07:002013-09-10T05:57:13.196-07:00back into therapy<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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This morning, I went to see a new therapist. I’m still
feeling very low. The worst thing is that when I’m feeling less than six out of
ten, my fiction writing suffers. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I lose
my mojo and everything comes out flat. I can still write non fiction and downbeat
stories but womag stuff I find very difficult. </div>
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I know what’s wrong with me. I know what I need to do, but I
can’t seem to actually do it. All the things that give me pleasure (singing,
playing music, writing fun upbeat stories, painting) I find <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>hard to do or I don’t do them at all. And as
for actually booking a proper holiday, that’s a no no. I had my tarot read at
Swanwick and the lady said I needed to spend the time up to Christmas sorting
things out. Healing. Learning from life’s lessons. So that’s what I’m going to do.
I might squeeze in a weekend in Scarborough as that place is great for my short
story writing, other than that, I’ve put all thoughts of going on holiday <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>on hold.</div>
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As well as starting therapy (again), I’m also going to see a
homeopath on Monday. I first went to one decades ago (he was an NHS doctor who
also did homeopathy) and it was good for me, so it’s try to give it another go.
</div>
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I’m tired of being on the verge of tears all the time. I’m
tired of staying up late and stuffing my face with ice cream and cheese and
pickled onions because I’m bored and lonely. Tings need to change and if that’s
going to happen, I have to MAKE it happen. </div>
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Tomorrow I’m going back to Heydays at the West Yorkshire
playhouse. I haven’t been for a year which is crazy as I used to enjoy it. I’ll
probably go to creative writing, then lunch, then singing. Tomorrow night is a
quiz at Spice. Again, I’ve not been to many events with them recently so it’s
time to have another go. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I have put several ,otivaitonal print outs on the wall so
that I can see them when I’m working. I’d like to share one. It says this </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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‘If you do not ago after what you want, you’ll never have
it. </div>
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If you do not ask, the answer will always be no. </div>
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If you do not step forward you will always be in the same
place. ‘</div>
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It’s time I took some more steps. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Here’s a poem I wrote recently on that
subject. </div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">THE BRIDGE </b></div>
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<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
I have no idea what’s on the other side. </div>
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<br /></div>
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I know exactly what’s behind me -<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span></div>
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pain, grief, anger, self-loathing and fear. </div>
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My old life lies<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>rotting, putrid
and dull, </div>
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its stench clogs my pores, saturates my soul,</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Take a step forward. </div>
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Just one tiny step, </div>
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Away from the darkness. </div>
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Just one tiny step. </div>
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Even a child could do that. </div>
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Just one tiny step. </div>
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<br /></div>
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I’m stuck on a bridge between two halves of my life. </div>
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I do NOT want to go back. </div>
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I want to cross. </div>
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All I have to do is move my feet. </div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
That’s all I have to do. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<br /></div>
Linda Lewishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18204029280563035975noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6250803363501067886.post-12842784002462762112013-09-05T06:24:00.000-07:002013-09-05T06:24:03.367-07:00jack's funeral, Fiction Feast and a 'naughty' proposal <!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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It’s been a strange few days. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Yesterday was Jack’s funeral. It brought back vivid memories
of my mother’s funeral. Fortunately it was more like Gareth’s in that it was a
celebration of Jack’s life with music he’d chosen. Best of all when we left the
chapel, he’d asked for Hey Jude to be playing and that we should all sing as we
walked out. That helped to keep away the tears but at the same time, it made me
sad that I’d never talked about music with him. Afterwards dozens of people
went back to Good Neighbours for good and tea and coffee. When it was over, I
bottled out and called my ex as I didn’t want to go home to an empty house. </div>
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As a complete contrast to this, I received an email
proposition. Somebody I met recently, I won’t say where, offered to be my
lover. This was both a shock (his message was rather blunt) and a boost as this
is the first time anyone’s shown an interest in my ‘charms’ for years.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I turned him down for reasons I won’t go
into, but who knows, maybe the wind’s about to change. </div>
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I have a story in Octobers Fiction Feast which is two months
in arrow. Shame I haven’t managed to send them many new stories recently. I’ve
been much too busy with other things. I really do need to decide what I want to
do. I DO know that getting back to more creative stuff is near the top of the
list. </div>
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This morning I tweeked a story that The People’s Friend might
be interested. I also found another one that I’d sent to Fiction Feast years
ago so I rewrite that too and will post it off later. </div>
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In an hour or so I’m off to Newark for the judging of the
MABEL BARBER competitor.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have to say I’m
nervous. I don’t know the venue, or the people and though I have an idea what
they expect of me, it's still daunting. I’d wanted to get there early, find
somewhere to grab a snack and then make my way, by taxi, to the venue. Instead
I’m being picked up from h station and taken back to somebody’s house. I should
have said no, but you can’t, not when people think they’re being kind. </div>
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I’ve also decided to go to the next NAWG writers retreat at
Wentworth in November (see <a href="http://www.nawg.co.uk/">www.nawg.co.uk</a>
for details). I hope they have single en suite rooms as I’ve never been there
before. </div>
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I’ve started taking Bach’s flower remedies to see if they
help me feel more positive. A friend has advised me to look into Gestalt
therapy too. </div>
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I still haven’t managed to book a proper holiday….. </div>
Linda Lewishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18204029280563035975noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6250803363501067886.post-13245518520731172322013-08-29T09:52:00.000-07:002013-08-29T09:52:09.588-07:00NAWG Festival of Writing <!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">but will
still get a chance to attend another couple of workshops run by other people.
It’s so hard to know what to take. John’s giving me a lift down, then<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>continuing to Exeter to see his family so I
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Linda Lewishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18204029280563035975noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6250803363501067886.post-74131531463761562672013-08-27T11:57:00.002-07:002013-08-27T11:57:58.361-07:00Missing Swanwick <!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
It’s been more than a week since I came back from the wonder
that is Swanwick (<a href="http://www.swanwickwritersschool.co.uk/">http://www.swanwickwritersschool.co.uk/</a>).
I miss it so much. For me, it’s being with people all the time that’s so
amazing (plus the fact that I have a nice room to retreat to when things get
too much). The real world is so much harder. I hate not having anyone to talk
to. Phoen calls are fine, but they really aren’t the same. Neither is facebook,
or twitter…<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The evenings are the worst. There’s only so much work a
person can do. If I carry on too late, I can’t sleep and there’s b***** all on
TV.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
What I really really really want is a nice relaxing holiday.
Swanwick was great but it was hardly relaxing because I was teaching. Next
year, I’m not running any courses or workshops. Then I can take part in other
people’s courses! </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
On Friday I’m off to Coventry for the NAWG Festival of
Writing at Warwick University. I’m looking forward to it. The classes are much
smaller so there’s a totally different feel to Swanwick where you can have
fifty people in a group. One of my writing heroes, Simon Brett, who I met when
I first started writing fiction, will be there so I hope to get the chance to
chat to him. I can’t attend his class because, you’ve guessed it, it clashes
with one I’m teaching. </div>
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I’m currently typing up some stories. I waited until I had a
few so that I could work on more than one at a time. I hope to get them all
onto the computer before I leave for NAWG so that when I come back, I should be
able to edit and improve them. I’m a firm believer in letting stories mature in
the mind. After a few days all kinds of different ways to take the story, develop
the characters and so on can occur. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I emailed an agent yesterday too about the next books I want
to write . They’re non-fiction, aimed at writers. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I can get them published easily enough, either
via Byker Books, or Filament who published my Treasury of Ideas, but I’d love to
find a bigger publisher as I think they deserve it. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
If anyone knows any agents who might consider this kind of
project, I’d be delighted if you give them my details. My email address is <a href="mailto:kinghenryfan@yahho.co.uk">kinghenryfan@yahho.co.uk</a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’ve got into a bit of a stew about the crossword class. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I stupidly assumed they weren’t going to meet as Jack who
led the group has died but I found out yesterday that they met last Thursday as
normal. Nobody told me even though I’d called into the office as well as
phoning, asking to be kept up to date. I’d said I was willing to take over
rather than let the group fade away. Now I don’t know what to do or think.
In<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>a way it would be nice to clear the decks
so that I can start a whole new raft of activities. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Living in Leeds, there are plenty of opportunities.
I haven’t even scratched the surface yet. I’m thinking of going back to Heydays
( classes on all kinds of subjects including singing, art and creative writing
held at West Yorkshire Playhouse and open to anyone over 55) on Wednesdays when
the new term starts. If I spend the whole day there, it will break the week up
nicely. </div>
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<br /></div>
Linda Lewishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18204029280563035975noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6250803363501067886.post-17401496271078383572013-08-20T11:09:00.001-07:002013-08-20T11:09:36.792-07:00Swanwick writers summer school was A-M-A-Z-I-N-G!!!!!!<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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Swanwick (I came back on Friday) was WONDERFUL.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span> </div>
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If you couldn’t get
there this year, do see if you can make it in 2014. It’s worth every penny. So
the food isn’t brilliant. The atmosphere, the setting, the friendship, that’s
what’s important. Free places can be won in competitions publicised by Writers
News/Writing Magazine (October issue I think), so do have a go – there are
three categories - poetry, short story, short story for children. The theme
will be announced then too. </div>
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Last year, I was in a bad place, plus I was teaching on Sunday,
Monday, Wednesday and Thursday. It was too much. This time I ran a short
course<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>on women’s magazine fiction and a
workshop on short story competitions. By Monday evening, my teaching role was
finished. That meant I had energy left over to take part in Write camera
Action. My tiny playlet came nowhere which wasn’t surprising as my leading man
turned out to be a prima donna who wanted to change nearly ALL of his lines.
How we didn’t come to blows, I have no idea, BUT it was a good experience and not
nearly as scary as I’d expected. I learned a lot too. </div>
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I confess that once that evening was over, I felt like
partying and drank rather a lot (champagne on Wednesday, courtesy of the
Chairman of Leeds Writers – Dennis Clarkson who is now on the Swanwick
committee and rose wine on the last night). I probably overdid it a bit so if I
did or said anything daft, please forgive me. </div>
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Almost all <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>the books
I took with me sold which was great and also annoying (I should have taken
more!). <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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I was lucky enough to get a lift, there and back, from a
lovely man called Dan. Compared to my ex, he drives likes an angel. It was
great to arrive feeling relaxed! </div>
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Quite a few people weren’t there this year, for health and
financial reasons. I missed Mary most of all. We met last year when I was deeply
depressed and she helped me with her warmth and wicked sense of humour. I hope
she recovers from her op and that she’s back next year. The same applies to
Lol, Valerie, Ann and Peter, and John from Watford. Come back, I miss you! </div>
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I spent a lot of time catching up with old friends, two who
stand out are Rae from Milton Keynes, and Stella Whitelaw. </div>
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I made some b#new friends too - Beryl, Tiggy, Sue, veronica et al. Swanwick is such an
oasis, it’s hard to come to terms with the fact that it’s over for another year.
</div>
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I came home to very bad news. </div>
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My friend Jack who has been running the cryptic crossword
class for several years, died on the Wednesday I was away. He’d been in hospital
for an operation to repair a wound that hadn’t healed (long story, not that
nice so I’ll gloss over it). The last I’d heard he’d had the operation and was
doing well. What went wrong, I have no idea. I expect I’ll find out more at the
funeral but there’s no date for that as yet. Losing Jack hit me hard. It
brought me back down to earth with a terrible bump. It’s making me realise,
even more clearly than before, that it’s what we do NOW that counts. We can
never know what tomorrow may bring. </div>
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<br /></div>
Linda Lewishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18204029280563035975noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6250803363501067886.post-68653707563487127042013-08-16T04:13:00.002-07:002013-08-16T04:13:55.546-07:00Home to sad news<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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Back from a wonderful week at Swanwick to the terrible news
that Jack, the man who leads my cryptic crossword class, has died. </div>
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I’d intended to write an overview of the summer school but <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>it will have to wait. </div>
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I’m <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>grateful <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I didn’t find out until I got home. Jack meant
a lot to me, for all kinds of reasons. He went into hospital for a long awaited
operation which seemed to go well, <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ve
no idea yet what happened, I just wish I’d been able to see him <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>before I left for Swanwick. </div>
Linda Lewishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18204029280563035975noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6250803363501067886.post-24205796197891846572013-08-07T03:13:00.000-07:002013-08-07T03:13:03.353-07:00HOW TO DO EVERYTHING AND BE HAPPY<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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This will probably be my last blog before Swanwick, and as I’m
not taking a computer with me, it’s au revoir until at least 17<sup>th</sup>
August. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So what’s been going on? <br />
Quite a lot actually. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ve decide on a
couple of things. One, to take my own advice. And two, to try practising
mindfulness. </div>
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My own advice includes starting the day with writing, as
that’s when I‘m better at it. To take it slowly and not expect to be writing as
well as I used to. Writing takes practice. F I was an athlete I wouldn’t expect
to <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>win the first race I entered after a
long absence through injury. Writing is the same. It takes time to get back up
to speed. </div>
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Yesterday morning and today, I got up early, made tea, then
went back to pad with my pad and pen and wrote stories. One yesterday, two
today.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I want to have a selection to
work on when I return from my week away. Regular readers will also know that I
like to leave stories for a while before typing them so that I’ve had time to
mull them over in my subconscious. </div>
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Now mindfulness. Simply put this means concentrating on
NOW,. Not fretting about what’s gone before, or regretting things. The past is
over. It’s up to me whether I dwell on it or not. Mindfulness also means not
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scared to take a risk in case it goes badly. It means enjoying this moment. Not
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It’s not easy. It’s such a big change for me, but it works
so I’m going to persevere with it. </div>
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I’m also going to start doing things that worked for me
before. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Both of these come from HOW TO
EVERYTHING AND BE HAPPY (Peter Jones) When faced with a long list of all the things I need
to do (right now that reads finish judging a competition and write a report,
pack for Swanwick, get the course notes and handouts sorted and printed off, work
on a couple of stories, get another story or two ready for The People’s Friend,
do some work for the Writers Bureau, and that’s not including the boring stuff –
housework et al. ). </div>
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The book says make a list then mark just three things and do
one of those first, THEN you can mark another but not until. SO my list reads –
blog, Swanwick notes, read competition stories again. I should get those all
done today then I can think what to do next. It’s so much better, only having
three things to think about. Maybe try it sometime. The other thing that comes
from the book are Boxing days. These are days when you plan nothing and simply
do whatever comes to mind on the day itself. </div>
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I used to have one a month and found them very useful, but
let the habit slip when I felt depressed.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So now I’ve blogged, I can cross that off the list and add a
new item – allocate Boxing Days to the diary. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
PS did I mention that, just at the right time for Swanwick,
I have a story in Take a Break’s Fiction Feast?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Enjoy the summer. I’ll be back in a couple of weeks. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Meanwhile, I might manage a few tweets<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>#writingiseasy </div>
Linda Lewishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18204029280563035975noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6250803363501067886.post-66631845653614079032013-08-03T04:49:00.001-07:002013-08-03T04:49:16.264-07:00Swanwick writers summer school - approaching fast <!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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Keeping busy works, up to a point. The problem is that when
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know what the answer is, learn to enjoy my own company, start doing things Ii
want to do, smile more, <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>have fun, but I’m
still struggling with all of that. </div>
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It’s Swanwick soon (10- 16 August
) (http://www.swanwickwritersschool.co.uk) and I’ve been busy putting together a<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>two part course on writing for women’s magazines,
plus one on short story competitions. I’ve reached the point where I think I’m
happy with them so all I do is need to organise my notes and produce some
handouts. </div>
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I have a story in the new (September) Fiction Feast which is
great timing <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>and a welcome boost. I’ve also
been working on some more new stories although they’re still at any early
stage. </div>
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wait a bit longer. That said, I think I might actually go away this Christmas.
Last year and the year before, I stayed home and it wasn’t good. As soon as I
left Good Neighbours (I helped out on Christmas Day both years), I felt wretched.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m not sure I can face that again. I’m
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will make a change. I hope it’s not too hot though. The pub we meet in can be a
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If anyone reading this is going to Swanwick, don’t forget to
say hi. I’ve offered to take a look at people’s short stories, PROVIDING they
can say which women’s magazine they’ve aimed it at, so maybe bring something
with you and we can have a look at it together. Fee – a donation to Swawnick
(however large or small, it doesn’t matter) .</div>
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Hard to believe that this time next week I’ll be on my way
or that in two weeks, it will all be over for another year. </div>
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<br /></div>
Linda Lewishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18204029280563035975noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6250803363501067886.post-24565590819645121982013-07-30T05:46:00.002-07:002013-07-30T05:46:38.652-07:00Dogs, bullies and gardens<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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After a long, and upsetting battle with Leeds City Council,
I now have a dog boarding licence for this address. </div>
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I haven’t said anything about this until now as I wanted to
get it resolved first. </div>
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Basically, I have two separate garden areas (thee if you
include the driveway, four if you include the front garden!). One is on a busy
main road, the other (I have a corner property) is in a very quiet cul de sac. </div>
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When they came to inspect the house and garden they objected
to the first garden as there were some gaps in the hedge. I explained that dogs
would only be allowed into that part under constant supervision (absolutely
true by the way) , but this wasn’t good enough, so I said OK, then <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I won’t let dogs into it at all, as they could
use the other garden. They didn’t want to know. Instead they insisted I close
all the gaps in the hedge in case a dog from outside might come crashing
through (it would have to be a gymnast, all the gaps are at least three feet
up) ) or people might throw rubbish through into my garden which dogs might
eat. </div>
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I was told I couldn’t have a licence until the work had been
done. I felt bullied. I was upset that at no time, did the dogs’ care come into
it. I could hurt or shout at them, neglect and ignore them, or not play with
them or take them for walks and that’s all fine, so long as they don’t get
injured and the council gets sued. That’s what it was all about, the
possibility of them getting taken to court. The fact that I’ve cut down and
only have three clients, didn’t matter, nor did the fact that I planned to stop
at the end of the year. </div>
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The old me would have laid down and been walked over. The
new me wrote a letter, basically saying that they were bullies, that my second
garden was perfect for dogs, that I didn’t like being accused of lying (in that
they didn’t believe I would keep dogs out of the other part of the garden) and that
I felt they were bullying me. I pointed out that I suffer from depression, and
that I felt the story might be of interest to a magazine, or even TV. </div>
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Amazingly they had a change of heart. I now have a licence
so Louis can come and stay with me, legally. I had Pip to stay while this was
going on. To make sure I wasn’t prosecuted (yes, that’s what they threatened if
I boarded without a licence) I didn’t cash her owners’ cheque, and gave it back
to them. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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I feel very relieved, both because I am now ‘legal’ again, but
mostly because I didn’t back down. I’ve had a problem with confrontation all my
life so this felt bigger than I can adequately explain.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sadly, <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ve had to cancel Raffy’s booking. I did that
as soon as this all blew up. He has to ‘go’ on grass, so I wouldn’t have been
able to keep him out of the ‘dangerous garden’. Of course, the licence doesn’t
say that only one part of the garden is OK so you have to wonder what all the
fuss was about. </div>
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I hate bullies, don’t you? </div>
Linda Lewishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18204029280563035975noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6250803363501067886.post-13621886256861771792013-07-29T04:34:00.003-07:002013-07-29T04:34:55.828-07:00More sale to The People's Friend<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
I am so hungry right now. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I put on weight recently thanks to having no kitchen which meant
dining out and ready meals. Being depressed also increases my intake of ice
cream. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I wanted to get back to a weight
I feel comfortable with in time for Swanwick so I’ve been using the 5 2 diet
where you only eat 500 calories two days a week, and whatever you like on the
other days. It’s not for everyone, but for me, it works. I KNOW that after a
week of the diet I will have lost a pound or two. It puts me in control. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This morning I skipped breakfast for two reasons – the diet,
and my six month dentist check up. I’ve had a morbid fear/terror/aversion to
dentists for years and I dread going. It’s easier now than it was, but I still
get into a state. I was meant to go in June but simply couldn’t face it. Happily
I have another all clear so can forget about teeth for another six months. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’m doing a short course at Swanwick in just under two
weeks, looking at writing for women’s magazines. One session is focussing on
The People’s Friend to whom I’ve been selling lots of stories recently. Today I
sold two more, PLUS the fiction editor has given me some tips to pass on to
people (I’ll <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>be putting them on here
after Swanwick!). Those sales, plus having been in the magazine for four weeks
running, have given me a real boost. You know what they say, those that can,
do. Those that can’t, teach. Well I can AND I teach. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It’s been a funny week in many ways. Flash floods filled
both my water butts in no time flat. I saw a wonderful red site, soaring
overhead, riding the thermals, then a perfect specimen of a peacock butterfly.
Right now the rain’s pouring down again, and I can hear thunder, so might be as
well to sign off. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Tonight, last manuscript evening for this session at Leeds
Writers Circle. 7.30 start. Carriageworks, Millennium Square. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Now I really do need to eat something… </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
Linda Lewishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18204029280563035975noreply@blogger.com3