Thursday, 30 May 2013
I had it all planned out. After last night’s positive feedback on my poem, I’d work on it and get it sent somewhere, then the dreaded blue bag arrived from the Writers Bureau which means I have to put everything on hold and get to work on that. I’m not complaining. I like blue bags. They have an in-built deadline and for me, deadlines are good. It just proves that flexibility is a skill every writer needs.
Tuesday, 28 May 2013
Pip, the terrier who’s staying with me for a few days, has just growled at me. I gave her a treat and she’s taken it to her bed and is guarding it ferociously. Funny how even a small dog can be intimidating when it sounds like it means business. I’ve left her to eat it in peace and retreated upstairs to get everything ready for tomorrow.
I’m going back to see the NLP man for a second session. He asked me to make sure I looked different and to have bought a mirror. I completed both tasks and am now the proud owner of one of those little mirrors women carry in their bags (except me, never had one before). I’ve also dyed my hair. I didn’t have time to get to the hairdresser as my lady only works two days a week, so I was forced to go it alone. I am now a fetching shade of auburn (at least I think it’s fetching – better than washed out blonde with grey highlights anyway.) I also bought my first ever hat (apart from the odd sun hat, I simply don't do hats). Hopefully that will be enough of a difference for even a man to notice.
I watched a great programme about David Bowie last night. I was a big fan in the 70s. As I watched his various changes of image and styles of music, I realised that if he could change himself so completely, then so can I.
After seeing the NLP man, I’ll have time to get something to eat before heading off to the next part of the poetry course. I’m not sure about that at the moment as I’m finding giving feedback hard as I really don’t know what to say. I’m also a bit annoyed that several people didn’t stick to the word limit. I hope this time we spend more time on learning things and/or actually writing, rather than feeding back on each other’s homework.
I’m currently rereading Julia Cameron’s The Right To Write. I’m going through it, highlighting in blue all the bits that speak to me (there are loads). This to me was a big step. I was brought up to respect books and as a child, would never even mark one with a pencil so taking a highlighter to a book feels really naughty. I’m hoping that means it’s good for me. Today’s task, taken from the book, was two write down 25 wishes. Anything from the mundane to I wish I could lose a few more pounds to more abstract like I wish I was in love. The idea is to look at the list in a month’s time and see if any have come true, then write a new list. It’s definitely worth a try.
Monday, 27 May 2013
Last week, Wednesday to be precise, I knocked over a (metal) piano stool and it hit my lower leg. It hurt. I didn’t think much about it, only now it’s giving me all kinds of problems. Aching and complaining if I walk anywhere, so I’m having to rest it. It’s so annoying as the sun’s shining and I want to get out in the garden, I have wallpaper to put up and a dog that needs a walk.
Pip, the terrier, is here for the second time. I haven’t had any dogs come to stay for months, not since long before I moved and it‘s taking a bit of getting used to. That said, she’s no trouble.
It’s annoying that I’ve had to employ my ex to walk her but I need my leg to get better and it’s not going to do that if I walk miles.
Luckily Pip’s quite laid back and, like the last time she was here, behaves as though it’s not just her owners who are on holiday – she is too.
I’m very happy to say that I finished a NEW story this morning. It’s been a while. In fact, I’ve only written two new stories since February. Writing fiction had become a mountain, a big ugly solid mountain I was scared to even begin to try to climb. I’m hoping that’s changed now, thanks largely to a big dose of NLP. How’s that going?
OK I admit I half expected an instant miracle but I definitely feel that a process has been started and that the new me is starting to claw her way out of the rubble.
Watch this space.
Friday, 24 May 2013
It’s pouring, freezing cold and a builder I’d rather not see, ever again, is massacring my front door. Noise, dust, irritation, bits of wood with nails sticking through them, all over the hall. I will be SO glad when he's finished and I never have to see him again.
I’m going out at 12. I’m having that session with the NLP man. I booked it knowing the builder would be here, hat way my ex can oversee the work and I won’t be bullied into paying the balance until I’m happy. I could try to work this morning but I didn’t. Instead I’ve been sorting out the office. When I moved here, I was working in a different room so everything’s been in the wrong place. Now I have some decent bookcases, I can move the books downstairs, etc etc.
I’ve just been interrupted, again. Despite taking £600 he said was the deposit for the door, I’ve just had to write a cheque for the people who have made it or they wouldn’t deliver it. Basically, he lied to me. The thing I hate most in all the world is dishonesty. I stood firm. So now the builder has to get me my £600 back, in cash, then I’ll pay him when everything's done, to my satisfaction.
Tuesday, 21 May 2013
I haven’t had much to say for a few days. To be honest, I haven’t felt like writing anything, I’m just so tired. It feels as though my life has been picked up and somebody is shaking it, trying to get me to wake up and get on with my life. I attended an NLP course at the weekend and found it interesting, enjoyable, emotional and thought provoking. NLP is all the rage at the moment. I’ve dabbled with it before but never seriously. After the weekend I decided that had to change so I’ve booked an intensive session with the man who took the course . On Friday afternoon, from one o’clock onwards, I’m going to put my faith in his abilities. I KNOW it can work. The hypnotherapist I went to get more confidence (result - winning The Weakest Link) used NLP. He helped me with the guilt I’d been carrying which was so useful but now I feel it’s time to have another go. I feel as though I’m blocked. I know what I enjoy but can’t seem to let myself do those things and when it comes to the big question – what to do with the rest of my life – I haven’t got a clue.
I’m telling people now so that when big changes start to happen in my life they will know that it was the NLP that kick started them. Actually the changes have already started. We dabbled with some basic techniques over the weekend and I felt like I had a bit of a breakthrough because this morning I suddenly decided to find about getting some singing lessons. I’ve always loved singing - belonging to various choirs was the major part of my social life when Gareth was alive – but have never dared to stand up, by myself, and sing. I think having some proper lessons would help my confidence, plus it would be such fun. Fun is one thing that’s totally missing from my life at the moment and I’m determined to find some of it, and soon.
Last night I went to Leeds Writers with a poem that I wanted to read out so that I could get some feedback. I have never done that before so when I put my name on the list of readers, it never occurred to me that I wouldn’t get the chance to read. But I didn’t. Other people who’d read recently were chosen over me. This hurt me to the quick and I went into a major sulk. Why? Because it wasn’t fair. I had never read anything at the club before and it took me a great deal of courage to even consider doing it. I couldn’t help thinking how it would be for a new member who’s been a few times, gets the courage up to put their name down, then gets passed over for somebody who read two meetings ago. I’d be cross for them, so I can be cross for me.
The Chair seems to make up his own rules and forgets that it’s not HIS club, it’s meant to be for all the members, whether he likes them or not. And no, I won’t read my poem next time. I’m going to my poetry course on the 29th and wanted the feedback before then so 3rd June is too late. Rant over.