Why I’m angry.

Having found out that Mum was in a home,  I called them to see how she was and when she actually moved in.

They say she’s fine, and they’re probably right. Her memory is so bad, she only lives from one minute to the next. I asked the manager to call me on Monday to talk about her care. I also want to know if Mum can telephone me from the home or if they think this might upset her. I already know the home as it’s not far from where I used to live. I have no worries that Mum will be taken care of. What I’m angry about is not being told the move was happening.

The home informed me that Mum moved there last Saturday so when I spoke to that Social Worker on the Wednesday, they must have been planning to move her. I had a feeling something was going on when my chat with the woman was cut short by her boss.

I didn’t even know about the respite break or the two days when Denis was in hospital when once again, they chose to put her in a home rather than call me.  

I would have gone to Exeter looked after her myself. I told them this in no uncertain terms the last time Denis went into hospital. That time, my Aunt took care of her. Again, I wasn’t even told. I wanted to try looking after her myself. Then I would know whether taking over her care was a possibility. There’s no way I’d want to move her up to Leeds, decide I can’t cope and bung her back in a home. That just wouldn’t be fair.

I say this again, how can they move somebody’s mother without telling them?

When I called, the home didn’t even know I existed. If anything had happened to Mum, I would have been the last one to hear, that’s if anyone had bothered.

I could fight this. I could apply for Deputyship myself  and have Mum moved to a home in Leeds, but I know that any more stress will kill me. I just can’t take any more so I’m going to leave things as they are. Say goodbye, once again, to my inheritance, and put everything down in the book. I should have made a fuss years ago, I should not have stepped aside and let Denis take over, I should have done what was best for me for a change, but I didn’t. The stupid thing is, if I HAD been the heartless, money grabbing daughter people think I am, I would be no worse off. .

It’s wrong that Social Services should try me and find me guilty having only listened to other people. It’s wrong that they should decide to cut a daughter out of her mother’s life, whatever the circumstances.

If I can stop this happening to one other person, it will be worth it.