Heydays

I’ve done hardly any work today, yet I feel completely exhausted.

The National Association of Writers Groups (NAWG) have been considering running a national short story competition and have been picking my brains until they bleed. More people keep getting involved and I’m starting to regret offering to help. I must have spent an hour on the phone today, talking round the subject when all they need to do is get on with it, and make a decision.

Heydays started again, that’s my Wednesday at The West Yorkshire Playhouse. This term, I was ‘lucky’ enough to get my first choice of class. I wanted to do something art based for a change as right now, my life is totally out of kilter – all work and no play.

The class is about animals used in art throughout history but all we did was play a drawing game and cut out trees. I hope it’s more challenging next week or I’ll end up drifting back to creative writing.

During the lunch break, I started a tai chi class. I’ve tried before and felt thoroughly hopeless but this time felt better. My arms don’t though. I’m so unfit, just holding my arms up for more than twenty seconds hurts. After lunch, it was singing. A different tutor this term, but I’ve sung in one of her choirs before so that was good. I was pleased with the music choice, a good selection including Abba.

I almost didn’t go today. Just as I was leaving, Mum rang asking, as always, if she could come and stay with me. I could hear somebody I the background ask if they could speak to me. I asked who it was, and Mum tried to fob me off, but I asked to speak to whoever it was. It was one of Mum’s care workers saying that my mother was more upset than usual. It became clear that she hadn’t a clue what had been going on so I explained about the EPA and asked that if somebody somewhere could tell me what was going on, I’d be grateful.

I still haven’t heard from the solicitor. I’m starting to wonder if he received the emails I sent him. 

I should call him. The trouble is, I’m not much good at that kind of thing. It’s too easy to get upset, but I’ll have to summon up the courage soon. I need to draw some kind of line under this.

Today I’ve felt as though too many people want a piece of me and that there really isn’t enough to go round. I care too much about everyone else. I really would like it if there could be somebody to take care of me for a change.