Monday, 28 March 2011

What Mum wants

Mum called loads of times yesterday. In some of the calls, she was wanting to go back home, saying that Denis (her carer) had locked her in and removed the key.
In one of the more lucid calls, I told her about the solicitor and that Social Services were making moves to take over her finances. She became very angry, insisting that she had given the solicitor no new instructions and that if her finances did need sorting, which she didn’t think they did, she wanted me to take over not Social Services. I explained, several times, that the solicitor won’t talk to me and that she would need to contact them. She said she would, but I know she won’t because the moment she puts the phone down, she’s forgotten every word of the conversation.
This is making me physically ill. I’ve always had a ‘dodgy’ digestive system and stress does it no good at all. The stupid stupid thing is that the solicitor won’t do anything without hearing from her. He refuses to even forward the EPA unless Mum instructs him to. The question I keep asking is how can she do this when she has dementia?
I still have no idea what I’m going to do if and when my solicitor finds out what’s going on. A big part of me wants to run away from all this. I know one thing for sure, I can’t face a drawn out legal wrangle. Even if I could afford it, I can’t afford the impact it will doubtless have on my health and my work. The last time I got involved I lost almost three months work. I was writing, but the stories came out wrong which mean fewer sales and less money coming in.
More than anything, I want this resolved, and quickly.
It’s the AGM of Leeds Writers Circle tonight. I feel I should make an effort to get there but right now all I want to do is curl up into a ball and cry.


  1. I'm sorry you're having such a hard time with this, Linda. I don't know if they'll be able to help with your specific issue, but have you thought of calling the Alzheimer's Society? They have some very good fact sheets about all aspects of dementia on their website, including legal and financial issues (although I expect you're already aware of most of these). However, they also have a helpline on 0845 300 0336 where you can speak to a trained adviser (I think you leave a number and they call you back) about any aspects of your situation and they have dealt with most types of things before. I called them when we were having difficulty getting the care my dad needed and they were really helpful and supportive. At the very least it's someone to talk to who will understand what you're going through, although I expect they will be able to advise on whether there are other things you could be doing to get this sorted as well. Worth a try?

    In any case, I hope things improve for you soon.

  2. That's good advice from Bernadette. It doesn't seem right that you are having to struggle with this all on your own, Linda. I hope you find someone to talk it through with - I'm sure that will help.
    I don't know how you are managing to write at all with all of this going on but perhaps it is a kind of escape?
    All the best, anyway. I hope things get better soon. Helen x