Christmas Day

I’m spending Christmas on my own – no Mum, no man, no family. I could have gone away but when my lodger decided to go away with Spice, I made up my mind to stay home alone. Living alone has caused me problems in the past. Basically, I simply couldn’t stand it and became depressed and suicidal. Lately, I’ve been feeling so much better, I started to think I might be able to cope now, but there was, to quote Harry Hill, only one way to find out. I figure that if I can get through Christmas day, when so many people are with their families, and even the charity shops are closed, then I’ll be able to cope when ( soon pleases) John tells me he’s moving out.
I took my last dose of Prozac today which is a huge relief as I wanted to make sure I was feeling good due to the therapy, not the drugs. I decreased the dose steadily over two weeks which avoided the withdrawal symptoms. My message to anyone out there who has been on Prozac for longer than they would like, but finds they can’t get off the pills because they start to feel terrible, is simple. Have a word with your GP and tell him what I did and see what he has to say. Please don’t do anything without talking to your doctor in case he doesn’t approve. If Prozac is working for you, that’s a good thing. It wasn’t working for me, that’s all.
I’m having one of Peter Jones’s Boxing Days (as in his book How to do everything and be happy) which basically means doing what I feel like at the time and not making any plans. I got up early, had a nice long soak in the bath, a bacon sandwich for breakfast, then sat in the conservatory, doing a jigsaw while watching Christmassy programmes on TV, including Morecambe and Wise fr0om 1971. My viewing was pleasantly interrupted by a call from Rae, the lovely lady I met at Swanwick. I could have stayed chatting to her for hours, but I had to let her get back to her family! My Christmas dinner was heated up left–overs from yesterday – roasted vegetables of various kinds, with a covering of cheddar, followed by a steamed chocolate pudding (It was meant to be a Christmas one but I opened the wrong packet) with Jersey cream. After that, I went to Good Neighbours where they were putting on Christmas dinner for older people who would otherwise have been alone. I chatted to lots of people then got stuck into the wiping up and putting away. On my way home, I noticed the newsagent/corner shop was open so I went in and treated myself to a Magnum.
I’ve just spent half an hour playing the piano. I had to stop when my arms started aching. I’m having trouble sleeping in that I’m having very strange, very complicated dreams, then waking up at four in the morning. I’m taking the dreams as a good sign as when I was feeling bad, I didn’t seem to have them. That said, they are very peculiar.
Now it’s to see if there’s anything else to watch on TV. At Christmas, I like to watch as many seasonal films as I can bear as that’s one of my favourite ways to get ideas for next year’s Christmas stories.
Thanks to all those of you who have commented on my blog over the past year. Your kind words have been so helpful. I’m eternally grateful for all the advice and encouragement you have given to me.
Have a lovely Christmas!