Thursday, 31 January 2013
Friends without benefits
I’ve been giving a lot of thought to my relationship with John.
For those of you not in the know, he’s my ex. We married in 1999, were unhappy from 2001 and divorced in 2005. We should never have married. It was too soon after Gareth's death.
At the moment John lives about a mile and half from me but spends quite a lot of time at my house. Sometimes he stays overnight in my spare room We go to the shops and to Spice events together. He helps out when I have dogs to stay by taking the big ones for walks or when there’s ice about and I don’t want to risk it. Also I can call him at any time if I need to.
I help him with all kinds of stuff too from sorting out computer gliches to letting him use my washing machine and my garage.
People don’t understand the relationship. They try to make it more than it is, dropping all kinds of hints about romance and still being together because neither of us has ‘moved on’.
It occurred to me only yesterday (OK I might have an IQ of 149 but I can still be thick) that John is actually my best friend BUT there are definitely NONE of those benefits people talk about. I’m here for him and he’s there for me. If either of us found love we would still be friends but we wouldn’t spend so much time together.
That’s why I’m now considering buying a flat so that I can rent it to him. The place he’s in now is cramped which is why he comes here and I don’t go there. Also, buying property is, IMO, the best thing to do with my money. If I rent to somebody else there are all kinds of hurdles to overcome and no guarantee I’d find a good tenant. John won’t be able to pay as much but at least I’ll know the money’s coming in each month. Plus the flat has a garage so there won’t be any reason for him to call round unless I invite him. Double plus, I’ll be able to go to his place and annoy him for a change.
Anyway, that’s how it is with John and me. He’s my best friend and hopefully will soon be my tenant.
Today I have three things on my list of tasks to do. Obviously there are hundreds more things that need to be done some time or another but I find that if I choose three and concentrate on those first, I achieve so much more. The tasks today are contact my tame builder and ask him to check over the flat (done), get some ideas ready so that I can start February off in a writing frenzy (not done) and clean and tidy the whole house ready for the mortgage people tomorrow (done apart from my office which is a tip!).
Tonight, I might be going to a quiz. John’s daughter is working part time in a pub and he suggested we go along. Much depends on energy levels, the list of tasks and the weather but with any luck, that’s where I’ll be tonight, with my new found best friend.
PS Thank you to those people who suggested I consult a life coach.
I’m hoping that moving house and having fun things to do, like decorating, sorting out the garden and so on, will help me to get motivated and enjoy life more. Once January is gone, that will help too. If that doesn’t happen, I will definitely be seeking more help but right now, I feel quite confident that moving will do the trick.