Sunday, 13 January 2013

Living in fear

It’s been an unsettling weekend. 
Out of the blue (thanks, solicitor) I find there might be a problem with the bungalow I was buying due to the loft conversion, but I can’t find out how serious it is until tomorrow. I’ve been all over the place, going through the various options available to me. Now it basically comes down to seeing what he has to tell me. If there’s any possibility of problems in the future i.e. if I wanted to move again, then I wil have to withdraw.
I spent an hour and a half on the phone with my friend Shirley  as I desperately needed somebody to talk things over with. It was an enormous help as it helped to clear some blockages in my mind.  By the end of the call, I’d told her I would probably just stay put, have a holiday, wait a while, and then consider my options. Of course, I’ve had second thoughts (or rather third, fifth, ninety–seventh thoughts) which has led to a DECISION.
I am going to move! I’m going to say yes to the increased offer. Why this change of mind, again (sorry Shirley). Because I finally realised why I’d been thinking about saying put – fear. Pure and simple – I was scared of the upheaval. Scared to make a mistake, but to move on, you need to take risks and I need to move on.
However much work I put into this house, it will never be right for me. I love growing fruit and veg but I don’t want to spend my whole life doing it. I want to have time for some fun – music, painting, trying new things, and for that, I need to downsize to a smaller garden. All I have to figure out now is where I’m moving to. And I won’t have any idea about that until I’ve spoken to my solicitor tomorrow.
 Regarding writing, I’m back working on the next writers guide. I really need to get it done so that I can send it to Byker books to be made into an ebook. The others are selling well on Amazon and it makes sense to expand the range.

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