Tuesday, 27 November 2012
Today I’m feeling a bit lost, lonely if you like. I really don’t fancy another year, ten years or longer during which I spend so much time on my own, so it’s get a dog, a job, or find a (part time) man.
Getting a dog would be easy, just go to a rescue centre, sorted. Getting a job, I already have three but they’re all based at home. The trouble there is two fold. One, I’d find it hard to find anyone willing to employ me as I’m over fifty. Two, I’m not sure I want a regular job with al that entails.
My third option is even trickier. I haven’t met a single (both meanings of the word) under eighty who’s remotely interested in somebody like me. They say that you have to learn to love yourself before you can expect anyone else to love you. I’ve made good progress with that, having gone from ‘I hat myself and everything about me, to ‘actually, I’m OK’.
To be honest what I miss the most is the simplest thing of all – somebody to talk to. One day, some scientist will invent a robot that can make decent conversation. When they do, I’l be first in the queue to buy one.
Now back to the real world.
I drafted another story first thing but haven’t done anything with it yet. I’m waiting for the right ending to come to me. It’s a ghost story. I don’t write many of those and it feels a bit out of my comfort zone but having gone to a workshop at the weekend and the writers club holding a ghost story competition, I need to at least try.
Just now, a couple knocked asking to look at the house. He’s living a few doors down with his family. They have to see the mortgage people so I’m not sure they know what they can afford to pay. I’ll have to wait and see if they come back to me. I have to say it would be lovely to make a private sale as the estate agent hasn’t been brilliant.
I’m now wondering how much longer to keep working. I find it hard, working in the dark evenings. I have no idea why. I’ve hooked up a net curtain so that I feel less exposed. Maybe that will help, or maybe I just hate artificial light.
Tomorrow morning I’m hoping to get to Heydays (West Yorkshire Playhouse) to see what they have on offer for next term. After that, I may nip to the German market, or I may stay at Heydays for a class, who knows. I was meant to be going to east Leeds writers tomorrow afternoon but Raffy the border terrier is arriving later than I thought and I need to be here for him. At least then I’ll have him to talk to.