I think I’ve figured out why I’m feeling so
lost at the moment. I’ve spent my whole life as my mother’s daughter, doing my
best to find a way to get her to love me. Other relationships have come and
gone, but that one, unhappy though it often was, remained. Now she’s gone, I
don’t know who I am anymore. What’s my role now?
What’s more I have no idea what I want to
do with my life. I need to do some serious thinking. Nothing feels the same
anymore, not the dogs, not my relationship with my ex, it’s all turned to fog.
I need to decide, somehow or another, where
I want to be in five years. Do I want to stay at home and potter about, living
on a shoe string, or do I want to carry on writing? I know I enjoy teaching
people and helping them meet their writing goals, but what else do I want to
do? Do I want to live alone? Do I want to move? What do I want? It’s not a question
I’ve ever really asked myself before and I haven’t a clue what the answer is. All
I know is that I need to find out, and soon.
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