Thursday, 12 April 2012
Who am I? What do I want? Where am I going?
I think I’ve figured out why I’m feeling so lost at the moment. I’ve spent my whole life as my mother’s daughter, doing my best to find a way to get her to love me. Other relationships have come and gone, but that one, unhappy though it often was, remained. Now she’s gone, I don’t know who I am anymore. What’s my role now?
What’s more I have no idea what I want to do with my life. I need to do some serious thinking. Nothing feels the same anymore, not the dogs, not my relationship with my ex, it’s all turned to fog.
I need to decide, somehow or another, where I want to be in five years. Do I want to stay at home and potter about, living on a shoe string, or do I want to carry on writing? I know I enjoy teaching people and helping them meet their writing goals, but what else do I want to do? Do I want to live alone? Do I want to move? What do I want? It’s not a question I’ve ever really asked myself before and I haven’t a clue what the answer is. All I know is that I need to find out, and soon.