Friday, 20 April 2012
Dragged back into the past
A letter from the solicitor came addressed to Ms LC Gaunt – my mother’s surname. It was like a blow to the stomach.
I’ve spent most of today going back through all my paperwork and emails, copying them to send to the solicitor. Every one brought back painful memories, but I needed to get it done and out of the way as quickly as possible. Now I have to wait to hear their verdict.
It’s my first solo book launch tomorrow but right now, I’d much rather hide away from everyone. I have a ticket for the theatre tonight to watch a friend of mine at the West Yorkshire Playhouse doing a piece of experimental theatre. I’ve had the ticket for weeks, but I feel so bad at the moment, I simply can’t face going.
I hate feeling like this, physically and emotionally fraught and exhausted, all because social services didn’t do their job properly. Now I’m left to sort out the mess and pay the price.
I wish now I’d cancelled the launch, but I’m trying to think positive. I’ve cancelled a lot of social outings since Mum died. The launch will force me to face the future and my fears head on. The fact that my head is full of fuzz, and I look as though I’ve had no sleep for months is by the by.