Thursday, 9 August 2012


For quite a while, I’ve been treading water, with no idea what I want to do or where I’m going. I keep thinking about writing stories again, but never quite managing it. Then yesterday, I was talking to John and said that I didn’t always enjoy writing stories as I wasn’t always that proud of them as they were written to sell, not to satisfy, but did like the ones I wrote for Womans Weekly (a market I relegated in favour of Fiction Feast years ago because FF pay more.) Lo and behold, just hours later, I get an email from WW (I’d sent them a Christmas story, not a new one as I haven’t written any, but one FF rejected last year) saying they wanted to buy it. Hopefully that’s a sign  of which way to go.
Last night I made a special effort, doing my hair and putting on a new dress. I felt really good until John came round. He didn’t say a word. There was me, thinking I could completely different, and nothing. Zilch. I know men are thick about this kind of thing but ….. It was really upsetting, so much so that I told him on the way home. Result? He gets cross. It’s all daft I know, but I’m still learning to value my own opinion. For more than fifty years I haven’t bothered what I looked like and starting to take an interest is strange and difficult and new. One thing’s for sure, I’m not going to get any help from John, then I knew that, have known that for more than ten years.
While I’m on the subject and knowing he’ll probably read this but who cares, he finally told me he’d read my novel and basically, he didn’t like it. Great. Thanks. As it was aimed at women, I never expected him to love it. He could have said something neutral, or complimented me on the plot or one of the characters, but no, he exudes this negativity as if it’s the worst book ever written, then he keeps talking about Terry Pratchett and how wonderful he is and that I could write books as good as his. Yes, maybe I could, WITH A BIT OF ENCOURAGEMENT. So, not for the first time, I’m giving up on John. His opinion no longer matters. I’m going to have to learn to praise and encourage myself.
So back to working on the NAWG course.  I have ten days when I get back from Swanwick,  but last year it took me more than  a week to come back down to earth so I decided to get it done early instead. Plus I have Raffa the terrier staying for two days, immediately followed by the lovely Louis and want to be able to spend time with them.
Once NAWG is sorted, it will be time to pack.

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