Tuesday, 5 April 2011
Elephants and stairs
I feel as though I’m running out of steam, or to quote one of my favourite groups (REM), pushing an elephant up the stairs. .
I was meant to be going out tonight, but I couldn’t face it. Today I wrote about some sad and upsetting times in the not too distant past and became quite upset. I’m wondering why I’m putting myself through this. If I tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, will people think badly of me? The trouble is, I’ve spent too much time, wasted too many chances, not doing things in case people disapprove. I know that if I’d stood up for myself sooner, I wouldn’t be in the mess I’m in now.
I’ve managed to talk myself out of things before which explains why I have at least six partly written novels in the computer, and only one completed one.
I’ve sold two stories today – one to The Weekly News and one to my best market, Take a Break’s Fiction Feast, but even that didn’t cheer me up. I could really use a holiday. I’ve been waiting for my local coach holiday to make me an offer I can’t refuse. I want to spend a couple of days in Liverpool as I’ve never been there but whenever a possibility does come up, it clashes with dog sitting or something in the diary.
Often when I get to the end of the day, I feel as though I haven’t done very much. Today I’ve added 1500 words to the book making 14000 so far, done the next lesson for one of my writing pupils and a critique of a 2000 word story, and I’ve made those two sales, but it still doesn’t seem like enough. Maybe I really DO need a holiday.