Monday, 31 December 2012
I'm a woman, I'm allowed to change my mind
My head has been all over the place lately. First I was buying one house, then a different one, now the bungalow, now…..
Now I THINK I’ve decided not to move. I’m still going to buy the bungalow but instead of moving into it, I THINK I’m going to rent it out to get an income.
I thought that moving house would be a great way to signify a new start but when I start to dig deeper, the stress of packing everything up and getting settled somewhere else, even if’ it’s only round the corner, is too much. I’ve spent my whole life feeling stressed for one reason or another, so much so that life without stress is scary – strange but true. So that’s why I THINK I’m going to stay put, at least for a while, and see what happens. I could cope with the garden when I moved her, maybe I can cope with it again. If I struggle, I can pay a gardener from time to time.
I could change my mind again tomorrow, but having made the decision not to move at the moment, I feel as though a weight has been lifted, so maybe it’s the right decision for now. Time will tell.
So now I have to start doing this house up. Job number one is the hall stairs and landing which I haven’t touched since I moved here. It’s not that nig a job as only the bottom part of the wall (currently a very tired murky off white/palest coffee) needs painting, the top part which is red can be tidied up. Then I will need a new stair carpet.
The problem I’ve had since I’ve moved here is that I haven’t treated the entire house as though it’s mine (I told you I was crazy!). This has meant that some of the things I’ve wanted to do like painting and playing my keyboard have mostly not happened at all. When I DO paint I find it hugely relaxing and a lot more fun than playing couch potato so the plan now is to turn the box room into my art and craft room so that I can leave a mess and shut the door. The second bedroom will house the keyboard (I gave the saxophone back. Again it might sound daft but the stress of something so new and so complicated was something I don’t need right now) and a single bed so will become a spare room that I can also use for music.
I want to end with a quick thought or two about the art of writing. To other writers who are starting out it might appear that people like myself, who have sold hundreds of stories, have it easy. I can’t speak for everyone else but I'm fairly sure that isn’t the case.
I suffer from as many crises of confidence as any beginner. Rejection is still hard to bear. It’s still nerve wracking getting a story ready to send off and knowing when to STOP editing it and take the plunge. I have no better chance of being published by Womans Weekly or Fiction Feast, or Yours, or The Weekly News, than any other writer, beginner or not, as stories are judged on their merit (unless written by a celeb or A list author), so if you’re starting out, don’t think that it’s harder for you. It isn’t. All you have to do is write (and read) as much as you can, send it off, develop a thick skin, then write some more. Grab any chance to get feedback from a writer who has had success in the kind of writing you want to do, and never ever give up.
It’s the end of what, for me at least, ahs been a difficult year. I’m now trying to look forward, rather than backwards, for the first time in decades. It’s a strange but good feeling. Wishing you and those you care about a wonderful 2013. Please may it be a good one.