Tuesday, 24 July 2012

Hot Hot Hot

I have treated myself to a Bose Wave music system. It should arrive on Friday. I’ve wanted one for ages, but persuading myself to spend so much on a luxury item proved very hard.
Before I went out this morning, I printed off copies of various pages from magazines. I’m going to use these at Swanwick for the market research part of the course. It was hard to force myself to do anything it was so darned hot.
I had to go into town to see Julia again today ( the Relate lady). Sometimes I think I’m asking her for the impossible – to try and figure out what it is I want from the rest of m life. I feel torn between shutting myself way and only going out to teach and run workshops but another part of me would give anything to have friends and some romance in my life.
Julia thinks that I may still be grieving and adjusting to life without my mother. She says it’s OK to take time, figuring things out, if I need to. My argument against that is that you never know how much time you have left. I really would like to spend at least some of my life feeling happy.
I’m not sure why, but lately more often than not, after I‘ve gone out, I wish I hadn’t bothered. Last night’s walk and talk round Leeds was no exception. I’d heard that the man who runs them was brilliant but to me he seemed humourless, dull, and more than a bit annoying. He didn’t want to answer questions and made zero attempt to connect with his audience. That said, he had a lot of knowledge and it was great to discover areas of Leeds that I had no idea existed.
Maybe it’s just me.
Maybe right now, I’m simply very very easily irritated. I have no idea. Tomorrow I’m going to the University to take part in a discussion group as part of some research thing or another. It will be interesting to see how that goes and whether anybody there annoys me. If I’m not melting into a puddle thanks to the hot weather, I might try and find to what they do as regards creative writing courses. Imp wondering whether to study for an MA, just for fun. I used to enjoy studying. The question is, would I STILL enjoy it now???

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