Saturday, 28 September 2013
Why does it feel so bad? All I’ve got is a cold! Still at least the sun is shining. I decided not to go to the BBQ. Not only do I feel bad, I look ghastly too, plus I’d feel terrible if I passed on my germs. Mind you that didn’t stop my ex as he’s the one I blame for giving me the cold in the first place.
I’ve been battling with cryptic crosswords so that the group has some to do next week. Probably not the best thing to do with a thick head but there you go. Apart from that, I’ve done a couple of pieces of Writers Bureau work and that’s about it. Still, it is the weekend.
I keep finding that whenever I make plans, they get scuppered. At the moment I want to be getting on with some stories but the way I feel right now, that’s just not possible. Louis arrives tomorrow and much as I adore him, he does get in the way of anything creative. When he wants me attention, he tends to get it, especially this time as he won’t be coming here again. It hurts me to say that. I do love that dog, but I have to draw a line. For the next year at least I want to be unfettered so that I’m free to do whatever comes along. If at the end of that time, I’m still alone and unloved, then I can think about getting a lodger, or going back to dog boarding, but I feel that I need some time to breathe. As you might guess, that feels alien to me. It’s selfish and means thinking about what I want, and putting me first. I reckon if I can do that, at least for a while, I have a hope of leaving the dark days of depression behind me and getting on with some living for a change.
Of course, I have to get rid of this blanket-blank cold first. Maybe some ice cream would help…