Sunday, 22 September 2013

Making plans

A quick update. My plan for the next few days is to catch up with various jobs, including some of the dreaded housework I've been avoiding lately.
Yesterday, a gardener came to quote for various jobs. I've given him the go ahead, starting 14th October. The jobs are all labour intensive - trim hedge (v tall, v long), replace worn out weed barrier and gravel with new barrier and wood chip, take down trellis diving wall, remove thorny bush and replace trellis with one that isn't falling apart, make a seating area near pond with path leading to it, put in small pond in back garden for wildlife, remove various large shrubs that I don't want, sort out front garden, again replacing worn out weed barrier plus putting a low, solid fence between me and next door (they have weeds weeds and more weeds in their patch that constantly spread into mine) 
Once all that's done, I can get on with growing things.
I've been taken to task for sacking my therapist. The point is I don't want to  go into great detail and when you encapsulate something, you have to miss lots out.  One of the things that persuaded me to leave was being told it would have to get worse before it gets better. A - I don't believe that, and B - if it got any worse than it did a few weeks ago, I'd be dead.
We're all different. It's easy to look at things from our own perspective but the truth is nobody knows how anyone else actually thinks or feels. All I know is that I have made the right decision for me at this  time. Yes, I would have loved her to have said, go for it girl. Why? because I don't have a close friend, a lover or any family to say that to me and although I was saying it to myself, over and over, I guess I wasn't listening. 
Now I am. I know what I want and I also know that it's up to me if I get it or not. The past doesn't exist. Neither does the future. All that matters is now.

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