Wednesday, 12 June 2013
Still on a break
I am STILL taking a break. I just felt I needed to explain why I’m having this break. Having signed off so abruptly, some people (thanks) have been worried in case I planned on doing something stupid.
The fact is, I had been thinking about that. When I had the NLP I had such high hopes. felt as though I was on the very brink of a breakthrough. Then it was snatched away. Having been so close, it was hard to take another setback and I fell into a dark despair. You see I knew something was getting in the way, some mental block that wouldn’t let me be free, but I had no idea what it was.
On Monday I went to see the NLP man again. He told me that he’d made a mistake. That we should have continued that earlier session and the reason why he stopped was because he’d been taken aback by my candour and the emotions that were unleashed because basically I told him everything. He’d felt it would be traumatic for me to go on when, in fact, I wanted to, I was ready.
So I went back. I was with him for four hours. The great news is we found the block and dealt with it. I’ve read so many times that forgiveness is the key. This has given me great difficulty as I have never been able to even consider forgiving my parents. In the session, he asked me to forgive them. I couldn’t. He told me to say the words even if I didn’t mean them. I couldn’t. Honesty is incredibly important to me and I will NOT sacrifice that, no matter what. So we were stuck, until he came up with a brilliant idea. Could I imagine somebody who WOULD be able to forgive them? That was easy – Jesus. So he asked me to imagine I was Jesus, and to forgive my parents. So I did.
I imagined I was Jesus. To some people this may seem like blasphemy but not to me. I believe that we are all made of the same energy and that God, or whatever name people choose, lives in every one of us, so when Jesus forgave my parents, I did too.
This, for me, is huge. I’m praying that this is the block I’d been struggling against and that now it’s gone, BUT it takes time. I want to be sure before I start blogging again. The plan is to begin again on my birthday, June 28th, as by then I will have a good idea how well it’s worked. Now I’m going to ask a favour.
The key to my moving on is simple - I need to learn how to love myself. It would be an enormous help if I could get lots of birthday cards so that I can see them and think, yes, people do care. I’m all right. So, if you have time and a stamp to spare, please send me a birthday card. If you send it to my old address (98 Woodland Road, Leeds, LS15 7DW) it will be forwarded as, until I’m ‘mended’ I’d rather not put my new address out on the web.
So now it’s au revoir, until the 28th of June (also King Henry VIII’s birthday in case you were wondering where Catherine Howard came from).