Thursday, 6 June 2013

Get a grip!

The sun is shining, I have money in the bank, my favourite dog o staying for a few days, and guess, what? I feel deeply darkly miserable.
I CAN shift my mood by cuddling the dog, or working in the garden, but the underlying bleakness still lingers. It’s starting to get to me. I simply don’t know what I want, or where to go to look for it. I know what I’d LIKE to be able to do – loosen the chains and do what I like for as long as I want – but something keeps stopping me. This is going to sound daft,  because it is, but I keep thinking ‘what if I die tonight? How will it look that all I’ve been doing lately is having fun?
I’ve been told, over and over, that as soon as I start to enjoy life, which for me means writing what I feel like writing, I will probably start earning money anyway. Although I do believe that’s true, I still can’t slip that leash. And right now, it feels like it’s starting to choke me. I didn’t even go to crosswords today. People sometimes say call round, pop in for a cuppa, but they don’t know that for me, that’s like climbing a mountain. I just can’t do it.
I have to get a grip. Get the decorating done, whether I’m in the mood or not. The garage at the flat is being repaired as I type so that means me ex’s stuff will soon be leaving my garage and I will have all that wonderful space. What I need right now is somebody to tell me what to do, somebody to say for goodness sake woman, start enjoying life, and as there’s nobody ‘real’ to do that for me, I have no choice but to say that to  myself.
 I just hope  I’m listening.


  1. Have you thought of a holiday? Maybe a writing holiday might suit to get your mojo back? Caroline x

  2. For goodness sake woman, start enjoying life! I'll say it for you.

  3. I'll say it, too... For goodness sake woman, start enjoying life! xx

  4. It is difficult when that darkness is there to haul your way out, but you can do it, Linda. Block out those thoughts and cuddle that dog :-) x

  5. It sounds as if you've a lot going on in your life but you don't know where to start. It's blocking you. I went through a terrible patch. Couldn't stop blaming myself for what everyone else thought was my fault but wasn't. I couldn't get past it I went to a Buddhist temple - it was a community hall really and it was packed with people. We did a bit of meditation then the head monk gave a talk. It put everything in perspective for me and I walked out feeling the weight of the world had been lifted from my shoulders. This was fifteen years ago and I've never looked back. Try it. You may be surprised. In the meantime do what you love. Take care.