Tuesday, 8 October 2013

Ready for a new start

I went to see my homeopath yesterday and really enjoyed it. That probably sounds weird, but the fact is she’s such an upbeat lovely person, just talking to her, I felt better. She seems to think that this cold (yes, I still have it) is a good sign – marks the changes to a new season, etc  etc but I still wish it would hurry up and go. My voice has dropped an octave which, as it’s already quite deep, isn’t exactly feminine.  
Regarding life in general, I feel as though I’m ready for a new start. More than ready. I’ve just had a call from the Writers Bureau so I can now officially reveal that I won’t be tutoring for them after the 31st of this month. I’d sent a letter in a blue bag in September, giving notice but nothing was said which seemed odd, so I sent another note.  Apparently, the original letter somehow got left inside the bag (!) so they’ve only just found out. Anyway, the lovely lady who runs the bureau has just called  and we had a nice chat. She understands  why I need to stop but better  still she also said that if I want to go back at any time, to let her know, so the door isn’t closed, it’s still ajar.
I can’t tell you how hard it was to make the decision to stop working for them.  Having deadlines and something I HAD to do has been such an enormous help to me while I was down. It gave me something to focus on, in much the same was as looking after the dogs. Now though I want some me time. The plan is to have a year in which I’m not committed  to anything so that I can go where the wind takes me. At the end of that year I can then weigh up what it is I want to do and where I want to be. If I then decide to become a recluse with three rescue dogs, that’s  fine, but I don’t want that to be a default mode.
I probably shouldn’t say this, but honesty is, and always will be, my ,mantra, but I recently started an email correspondence with a man. It’s been absolutely wonderful  in that it’s given me a huge confidence boost. I have no idea what will or won’t happen but the very fact that there are possibilities is great
Louis leaves on Friday morning after which I’m going to Long Eaton for a workshop on finding ideas. I’m hoping that some of the exercises will lead to stores and that my mojo will be waiting for me, ready and eager when I get home again. Of course, the gardeners are due on the Monday  so I’ll have to work round them.  
The other thing that’s happened in the past couple of days is a whole heap of rejections from Woman’s Weekly which tells me that the stories I’ve written recently haven’t been up to scratch. I think I knew that anyway but it’s still annoying.
I’ve always said that once I’m at 5 on the happiness scale (1 very depressed to 10 very happy)then I can write well enough to sell. I THINK I’m there now but I don’t have the energy or the time to take advantage. OK that’s an excuse, but it’s  not a bad one; I DO still have a cold, plus as this is the last time Louis is here, when he wants attention, I’m happy to give it to him (it’s very hard, no impossible, to write when you have a very heavy dog’s head on your lap). I’m almost sure that by the time I’m at Long Eaton, the words will flow. It’s the almost that’s the worry. I REALLY need to start earning some proper money again, and soon. That way I can enjoy spending it so if anyone knows who the god of mojos is, do let me know.

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