All's quiet on the Lewis front

I haven’t had much to say for a few days. To be honest, I haven’t felt like writing anything, I’m just so tired.  It feels as though my life has been picked up and somebody is shaking it, trying to get me to wake up and get on with my life. I attended an NLP course at the weekend and found it interesting, enjoyable, emotional and thought provoking. NLP is all the rage at the moment. I’ve dabbled with it before but never seriously. After the weekend I decided that had to change so I’ve booked an intensive session with the man who took the course . On Friday afternoon, from one o’clock onwards, I’m going to put my faith in his abilities. I KNOW it can work. The hypnotherapist I went to get more confidence (result  - winning The Weakest Link) used NLP. He helped me with the guilt I’d been carrying which was so useful but now I feel it’s time to have another go. I feel as though I’m blocked. I know what I enjoy but can’t seem to let myself do those things and when it comes to the big question – what to do with the rest of my life – I haven’t got a clue.

I’m telling people now so that when big changes start to happen in my life they will know that it was the NLP that kick started them. Actually the changes have already started. We dabbled with some basic techniques over the weekend and I felt like I had a bit of a breakthrough because this morning I suddenly decided to find about getting some singing lessons. I’ve always loved singing - belonging to various choirs was the major part of my social life when Gareth was alive – but have never dared to stand up, by myself, and sing. I think having some proper lessons would help my confidence, plus it would be such fun. Fun is one thing that’s totally missing from my life at the moment and I’m determined to find some of it, and soon.

Last night I went to Leeds Writers with a poem that I wanted to read out so that I could get some feedback. I  have never done that before so when I put my name on the list of readers, it never occurred to me that I wouldn’t get the chance to read.  But I didn’t. Other people who’d read recently were chosen over me. This hurt me to the quick and I went into a major sulk. Why? Because it wasn’t fair. I had never read anything at the club before and it took me a great deal of courage to even consider doing it. I couldn’t help thinking how it would be for a new member who’s been a few times, gets the courage up to put their name down, then gets passed over for somebody who read two meetings ago. I’d be cross for them, so I can be cross for me.

The Chair seems to make up his own rules and forgets that it’s not HIS club, it’s meant to be for all the members, whether he likes them or not. And no, I won’t read my poem next time. I’m going to my poetry course on the 29^th and wanted the feedback before then so 3^rd June is too late.  Rant over.