I need a holiday!! Now!

I’m finding  this very hard. It’s not so much all the things that need doing with the house, it’s all the disruption, the decisions that need to be made plus the  mess.

Right now I’d love to be able to take a refreshing break in the garden, maybe with an ice cream, but there’s no place to go that’s not full of rubbish, workmen, or ladders. Of course the sun’s shining too.

I spent much of the morning writing up minutes. It’s funny how much more difficult that is when you’re not used to Windows 7 and you’re trying to stuck to the format used by the previous secretary (!). My tabs and  line breaks wouldn’t do what I wanted them to do. Most annoying. Then I had to give some feedback on some stories as I have had to withdraw from this Saturdays short story group meeting due to pressure of time. If nothing else, I have to keep on top of my Writers Bureau commitments.

There’s no point even thinking about sitting down and writing something new as I know it wouldn’t come out right. What I need to find is some patience. Some devil may care attitude. It WILL all get done eventually. Luckily I had already booked a couple of days away in Scarborough. Hopefully that will recharge my batteries enough so that I can keep chugging along until the major earthworks are over.   

A day lost in the garden.

I spent almost the entire day in the garden yesterday.  I didn’t even turn the computer on as I didn’t want to be distracted.  Already, the difference is spectacular.

Of course there’s still a lot to do, and plenty of decisions to be made about what goes where but the progress I’ve made already is encouraging. It feels so different to the last house. There the garden was a battle ground; me versus the weeds, the endless grass and the hawthorn. Here, gardening is already a pleasure again even though I’m still at the hard labour stage.

News – there ARE fish in the pond. So far I’ve seen  three. The water’s too murky to make out what kind they are yet. What I’ll do with them  I don’t know. I’m tempted to keep them but that won’t please the frogs.

This morning I made an appointment with my solicitor. The flat I’m buying is about to go through so I will be even busier. I just have to remember that I can only do one thing at a time and that even if I have a list of three dozen things that need doing, thinking about ALL of them will only stress me out. Annoyingly, last night I didn’t get very much sleep at all, mainly because I overdid the garden and ached all over, but also because I couldn’t turn my mind off and It would keep fretting. Given the opportunity my head would spend all its time dreaming up bad case scenarios. I have to actively work against that. If I don’t, I could end up feeling ill (depressed ) again and that’s something I need to avoid at all costs.

As I look at my diary, I’m wondering when I’m going to find time to squeeze in any actual writing.  I’m going to Scarborough on the 18^th, just for a couple of days, so I’m HOPING I can find some time then, even if it’s only on the train journey.

Things are happening too fast. Help!

Time is running away with me. That would be fine if I was younger but my energy levels aren’t what they used to be.

I spent most of yesterday in Harrogate, at a U3A creative writing day. I was on in the afternoon for just under two hours, talking, setting exercises, passing on tips and so on. It seemed to go very well. The problem is that I get so tense beforehand and have all kinds of wobbly fits, wanting to cancel, run away, and so on. Once I start, I’m fine. Once I’m in my stride, and the people start to respond, I begin to enjoy myself. That’s the part I like, it’s the waiting that gets to me.  

Regular readers will know that I’m buying a flat to rent out. I was told the sale would complete once the tenants moved out on, or around the 20^th. I’ve now been told they are moving out this weekend which means I’ll have to sort all that out, sooner than expected.  There’s a lot to do before I can rent it out – check the gas, buy a cooker, fridge, etc, get insurance, find somebody to repair the roof.....

I’m starting to get a bit frustrated because I don’t have time to write anything. I haven’t even done my April sub to My Weekly yet.

I can’t complain, not really. It’s good that things are happening at last. I just wish I felt a bit more in control….

To plan or not to plan

Life seems to be getting away from me at the moment.

This morning, the former secretary of the writers circle came over to give me the files, and sort out the email account etc.  He  was late which didn’t help. We went through various bits of paperwork, then he  showed me how to blind copy a message to all the members at once. After he’d gone,  I tried to do that myself and it wouldn’t work! So now I’m officially secretary of Leeds Writers Circle – email address – leedswriters@btinternet.com  if you know anyone who might want to join.  

I’m giving a talk/workshop for the U3A tomorrow, in Harrogate. The idea was to NOT plan it too much. What I didn’t bank on was one of my workmen turning up. Can he talk??????? Not half. The upshot is I think I’m prepared but as every group is different, you can never quite tell how things will go.

Why am I not planning the talk too much? 

It’s all about feeling the fear and doing it anyway. If you plan everything to within an inch of its life and the event goes well, the credit goes to the planning which means next time you have to over- plan again. By doing less preparation, the hope is that when it goes well (please) I can take some of the credit and put it down to my knowledge and ability to communicate with people, rather than having spent 19 hours planning everything.

I managed to get into a bit of a flat spin earlier. This is the first workshop/talk I’ve done this year and that threatened to make it overly important in my mind. I had to make a quick trip to the shops before I felt overwhelmed. Of course I came home with a clematis, lupins, hollyhocks and strawberry plants which then had to go into the garden…. Then the builder arrived.

You see what I mean about planning. Sometimes you just have to go with the flow.

Spring is sprung

I am that tired at the moment, by the time it gets to nine o’clock (pm!), I’m so exhausted, I can’t even concentrate properly on a TV programme (was anyone else baffled by Jonathan Creek???) , let alone do anything creative.  

I’m not complaining. Feeling physically exhausted is good. It makes such a change to be able to actually do things, rather than waiting and hanging about (as I had to while waiting for the house sale to complete).  Now the weather’s better, it’s hard to resist gardening. I’ve already planted a Victoria plum and some bits and pieces of soft fruit. I’d completely lost interest in the garden at my old house. It had become a burden. This one feels like a blessing. I’ve removed the blind from the kitchen  window as that I can see straight out on to it.  That makes the washing up much easier.

I spent most of today on the first part of a course. It’s for people who run/facilitate  writing groups. I’m not sure what I think about it yet. There were parts I found useful and others I found truly baffling, but I’m interested enough to go back next week. It was nice to get out and about too as I haven’t been doing much of that recently.

Tomorrow the ex-secretary of Leeds Writers Circle is coming round to hand over the reins to me.  He’s been very efficient and the voice in my head keeps telling me that there’s no way I’ll be able to do as good a job as he’s done. A while ago, I wold have listened to that voice but things have changed (than goodness). Now I realise that all I have to do is the best I can and that will be fine. There are things he will have done better than I ever will but there are also things that I will do better than he has. It’s the same with everything – up and down, black and white, good and bad. I don’t have to try to be perfect anymore is possibly the biggest lesson I’ve learned.

As the garden starts to come back to life, I’m starting to feel more invigorated.  I have to say it’s a great feeling , one I had almost forgotten.

I guess it’s true what they say; time really does heal all wounds. 

 

Alfie dog - short story site

http://alfiedog.com/featured-story/
Follow this link to a great short story site with plenty of stories available for download at very little cost.
This week, the featured writer is ME!
Seriously, this IS a good site, so if you can, please spread the word as it deserves to grown and flourish. Short stories have been in decline in the UK for too long now. 
I'm going out for the day. Sadly, it's not a trip to the seaside. I've signed up for a course aimed at people who teach writing and run workshops so I@m hoping to make some contacts and pick up some tips - just in time for my visit to the U3A's creative writing day in Harrogate on Th ursday where I have an hour and a half slot to fill.

Reply to Caroline's comment

I just wanted to reply to Caroline's comment.
It's something I've always found very hard - paying somebody to do things I can do myself - but I'm working on it!
This garden has the potential to be a real haven for me and to get
it into that state, I will have to overcome my block (several times) and fork out.
Shame you can't pop over and take a look......