Snow white Saturday

I’ve typed up another story which needs to be left for a few days. My next task is to sort through a drawer ful of paperwork to find all the information and bits of paper the solicitor needs to draw up the contracts so that I can sell my house. Not a fun job I can assure you but it has to be done.

Pip has settled in but she didn’t want to sleep in the kitchen and howled and howled until I relented and bought her bed upstairs, and let her sleep in my room NOT on the bed though, that’s reserved for Louis!

A day away from the machine

I had a day away from the computer yesterday. I like to do that every now and then so that I don’t feel tied to it. I put the radiators on  and sat in the conservatory to write a new story. Then after lunch it was crosswords. It was rather a rushed session as Jack wanted everyone to get home early, due to the weather. I didn’t want to get home that soon so I asked Sandra if she wanted to go to the shops for a coffee. We had a good chat. Until then I’d assumed she lived with her husband, I had no idea she lived alone having been divorced for yonks It just goes to show how little we know and how easy it is to make assumptions. I came home to find John was here. I’ve been on at him to only come round when I’m expecting him but he’s still not listening. It throws me when I get home, planning to work, and he’s here.

This morning, my plan was to catch up with Writers Bureau work, type up a story or two, then get ready for the new dog. I just about managed it as another  friend from the crossword group called to talk about problems she’s having with HER mother. We only finished nattering when Pip’s owners turned up.

I’d been worried about having this dog as terriers can be a bit high energy but so far, it’s fine. Within ten minutes of arriving she was on my lap and accepting lots of cuddles. I’ve employed my ex as dog walker while Pip’s here as the last thing I want is a fall in the snow. John has much bigger feet so he’s less likely to fall over (that’s my theory anyway). I mentioned yesterday and he apologised but whether that wil change anything, who’s to say.

I’ve just typed up a story which is about somebody’s mother dying. I’ve used a few things  from my own experience which I NEVER usually do, but this is a time for change so the old rules don’t apply any more.

Talking of change, I’ve got a pile of paperwork to sort through and forms to complete regarding the sale of the house so that will keep me busy over the weekend. I just hope I can find all the bits of paper I need.

Re the comment about the men at Spice. Having watched Gok’s new dating show, I’ve come to the conclusion that men need women to show they are a tiny bit interested before they do anything. As research, I asked my ex  if any of the women had flirted with him. No  was his answer. Maybe that’s what’s going on, everybody’s waiting for a signal, but there are no signals being transmitted. I wil have to ponder that before the Grand Ball on the 26^th

Dogless until Friday

I took a day off from my blog to make sure that when I DID write something, I would be sure it made sense.

As is obvious from recent postings, I’ve been having trouble deciding what to do about the house. Now the decision to move has been made, I feel much happier, I’m even starting to feel a  bit excited about it. I’ve already changed most of the curtains so that I can take the ones I want. Over the next few weeks, I have a chance to go through all my paperwork, clothes, bits and pieces, etc and get rid of anything that’s outgrown its usefulness.

It occurred to me that I’ve been living in fear all my life. Fear made me want to stay here. Fear keeps me in touch with my ex. Change is scary. Change can be hard and it raises various problems, but there are problems anyway. They can’t be avoided just by staying put. It's time I started making deicsions that are not based on  fear.

Leah, the Samoyed, went home yesterday which was, to be honest, a relief. I felt like a bit of a fraud being paid to take care of her when I didn’t really do that much. I prefer dogs that like company whereas she’s happy to spend a lot of time outside or behind the sofa!

Last night was a Spice Diner Shuffle at Raymond Blanc’s Brasserie in the centre of Leeds. The food was good value for the money but not exactly French haute cuisine. I would definitely go there again though!

I am beginning to despair of the men that go to Spice. For much of the time, they seem to prefer to talk to other men rather than the women. I don’t expect them to chat ME up as I’m probably the oldest woman there, but they ignore the rest of the ladies too which is odd as practically all of them are fun, clever, well turned out, genuinely interesting and nice people.

This morning was Heydays at the West Yorkshire Playhouse where I’m attending a course called Mysteries of the Mind. It’s all a bit zen at the moment which I have to say I’m enjoying. Listening to other people’s views and take on life is fascinating.

This afternoon I’ve been catching up on some Writer Bureau work. Later, the plan is to sort out some story outlines so that I can have a go at writing some new fiction tomorrow. I’d hoped to write four new stories in January but what with all the will I move, won’t I move stuff, that hasn’t happened. If I don’t manage to write anything tomorrow, I will have no choice but to book another break in Scarborough soon. It worked before, it can work again AND I’ll get a chance to meet up with Valerie and Shirley again.

Thanks for the advice!

I forgot to say  thank you to the peope who took time to comment on the bungalow and its loft version. I will bear all your advice in mind when I speak to the solicitor tomorrow. It's very kind of you to take the trouble to help me and very much appreciated.
I also wanted to say that before my talk to the North Leeds friendship Group I'd been thinking of not doing any more talks unless they were to writers  groups, but it went so well  (I tried it without reading from notes and actually found that easier) that I have now decided to say yes if anyone else asks me. I figure the more places and groups I get to visit, the more chance of meeting somebody, be that a new female friend, or dare I say it, a man....

Living in fear

It’s been an unsettling weekend. 

Out of the blue (thanks, solicitor) I find there might be a problem with the bungalow I was buying due to the loft conversion, but I can’t find out how serious it is until tomorrow. I’ve been all over the place, going through the various options available to me. Now it basically comes down to seeing what he has to tell me. If there’s any possibility of problems in the future i.e. if I wanted to move again, then I wil have to withdraw.

I spent an hour and a half on the phone with my friend Shirley  as I desperately needed somebody to talk things over with. It was an enormous help as it helped to clear some blockages in my mind.  By the end of the call, I’d told her I would probably just stay put, have a holiday, wait a while, and then consider my options. Of course, I’ve had second thoughts (or rather third, fifth, ninety–seventh thoughts) which has led to a DECISION.

I am going to move! I’m going to say yes to the increased offer. Why this change of mind, again (sorry Shirley). Because I finally realised why I’d been thinking about saying put – fear. Pure and simple – I was scared of the upheaval. Scared to make a mistake, but to move on, you need to take risks and I need to move on.

However much work I put into this house, it will never be right for me. I love growing fruit and veg but I don’t want to spend my whole life doing it. I want to have time for some fun – music, painting, trying new things, and for that, I need to downsize to a smaller garden. All I have to figure out now is where I’m moving to. And I won’t have any idea about that until I’ve spoken to my solicitor tomorrow.

 Regarding writing, I’m back working on the next writers guide. I really need to get it done so that I can send it to Byker books to be made into an ebook. The others are selling well on Amazon and it makes sense to expand the range.

I have no idea what to do (as usual)

My talk to North Leeds Friendship Centre went very well indeed. I was nervous beforehand (as always) but once I’d started it was fine.

I’d decided to test myself. Instead of the usual comprehensive notes, all I had was a list of headings and some pages of fillers. Doing a talk without notes actually felt easier than WITH notes as I didn’t need to keep checking where I was and could go ‘with the flow’. It’s a greta feeling when an audience responds positively. I had thought about not doing talks anymore but yesterday’s experience has changed my maind. I wont seek them out, but if any opportunities come along, I won’t turn them down.

I came home to a message from the estate agent I’m buying the bungalow through. It was too late to get back to them so  I had to wait until this morning. Apparently, and this is the first I’ve heard of it, there’s a problem with the loft conversion.

The vendor doesn’t know when it was done and doesn’t want to apply to the building regularisation people. Having looked into it on line, I can’t say I blame her.

The problem of course is that, once again, I don’t know what to do.

I’ve just browsed the web and found out that there should be a different type of velux window, one that opens fully, so that people can escape through it in case of fire. The one in the bungalow now only opens part way.

A while ago I’d decided not to move, to buy the bungalow and rent it out, then somebody made an offer to buy my house and I wavered. This morning, brilliant timing as always, they increased the offer.

I’d been talking myself into selling the house saying that due to the size of the garden it would be a hard sell and that I should take an offer if it was high enough, but I bought the house BECAUSE of the garden. It was the depression that made it so much of a burden. So what do I do now? Do I use this problem with the bungalow to withdraw? I can then buy a cheaper place to rent out, and stay here. That will give me time to figure out what the hell I’m doing with my life.

I honestly have no idea what I want. How sad is that? I can’t even talk to John as he’s out on ANOTHER match.com date.

Thank you, Fiction Feast

Today I went to see a friend who had a part in a recent W Yorkshire playhouse Production (9 people with no experience of drama performed individual pieces written in co–operation with WYP.)  I expected to watch that, have a bite to eat and head home to crossword class. Instead it turned into something more. She wanted to pick my brain about the difference between womag and competition type stories, then we talked about he Writers Circle and what, if anything, can be done to make it less d–u–l–l. 

After that she wanted my advice about the layout of the room she writes in (don’t ask me why as I haven’t a clue). We covered all kinds of other stuff too. It was GREAT to have somebody to talk to other than John!

Last night’s quiz would have been fine IF I ever read a newspaper or watched the news but as I gave up on both of those, years ago (too miserable) I didn’t have much hope of answering questions about events of 2012. My team came 5^th out of 9!

My ex’s date must have gone well as he’s making plans to see her again next week, PLUS he’s meeting another woman on Saturday. I hope he finds somebody soon as it would be good for both of us.

After seeing my friend, I was too late to go to crosswords so I spent a bit of time thinking about what I’m going to say tomorrow. 

I’m giving a talk on the life of a writer today. I haven’t been promoting my talks as it’s hard for me to get to places because I don’t drive and haven’t yet learned my way round the bus system. My plan is to work from some very brief notes and see what happens. If it works amazingly well and I get a recommendation to do more talks, then fine but if it doesn’t work well and I never get asked again, that’s fine too. I’d much rather run a workshop or talk to writers groups.

When I switched the machine back on, joy of joys I had another sale – this time to Fiction Feast. It’s a 1500 word story so that will go on at least two pages which means more money for me. 

It’s a ghost story. I write very few of those as I didn’t feel I had the knack, but after attending Stella Whitelaw’s short course at Swanwick in August, I was inspired to give them another go, so thanks, Stella.

My final task was to write a brief outline of the workshops I’m running this year for NAWG (September, at Warwick Uni see www.nawg.co.uk). I’m doing one on writing for Woman’s Weekly and another on how to increases your chances of winning a prize in a short story competition. The festival is being rejigged and lengthened and I’m already looking forward to it.